one stray thought

reading blogs because..
your friend writes it
if they are not of friends' u think who ever write are intelligent than you

Hmm... why is it that we just begin to look up to few individuals... just like that

with the least bit of communication... not necessarily have met...
is it just because they work on some technology that you do not know
or that they know more computer languages, can deal with set theory with ease..
hmmm....why does logic supersede.. or does it..

hmm but reading few blogs, far and in between... realizing there is some song called baanwara hey man (of Hazaaron Khwaishe aise), then liking it so much.... then watching the movie....

and yes getting affected too... but not realising details.. the irrelevant yet present details...

any case... the mood for now...

these guys must be real ppl like me....
simple n funny n perhaps jerks at times...

hmmm, this is strange... thinking few ppl are fictitious... ppl exist... I KNOW FOR SURE NOW

:-)
time to go to bed...
have a nice weekend.

vid

On the bad poetry

Must I apologise!

Well, there might be a sudden downpour, so Linus carried umbrella to his office. When you cannot trust nature (it was sunny yesterday afternoon), what makes you trust me?

Well, if Annie becomes a poet, can I remain far behind!!! (she send me such a sweet poetry in the course of answering my mail...) I cannot but paste an excerpt from her creation:

Transy curtains, fog covered mountains you say,
The balcony, white chairs and sky beyond…
Feels really nice to hear from places away…
of tranquility, beauty and tantum spray!

How beautifully she captures my sore throat, how seamlessly she makes the tantum spray I use 6 times a day a part of the lovely backdrop that I mail her about....

She and her humor, she could almost have been cruel, but thanks to her pathetic poems, she is just cute and funny...

She even writes for some pathetic poetry site I assume. But as in the comic serial I watch these days, one should never Assume, because when u assume, u make an ASS out of U AND me...

Anycase, Annie's writings have enthused the poet in me, now I don't have romantic juices flowing that I can write of love songs that I once would have written... So I am taking to writing crappy prose, a different philosophy all together, I may assume.... errr... I may understand!!

So, my friends, this is the reason for the two stray poetries (do they qualify to be called poems after all), on the blog....and this my friends might give way to more....

Must I appologise...?

On Move

I am getting along

I am getting along,
I am on move

I wonder if you have captured
a still moment
a moment of togetherness
a moment of joy
a moment of unrevealed love
a moment of hidden truths

Get going, move
Oh! stranger,
live no more in dreams
breathe the crisp air outdoors
for the winds have changed of long
for I have been on move.

The tree and the moon

the tree and the moon

Do you see the moon?
I ask myself.

Through the branches of the tree,
the moon looks so small
so distant
so far

yet so near,
so near
that it wakes me up
from my every night's sleep
and I look aghast
i see no moon
yet i see the tree...

Good old ME

Snow Capped Mountains and Meeting Indian women

Today was an early morning. Linus left at 7-30 am. There wasn't any morning rush, since we had decided on toast and juice for the breakfast.

I peeled almonds for him, and got his toast ready in no time. I looked around, it still seemed dark to be going out, so I sneaked back in bed. Got up half an hour later, by a call from my mother in law.

I was not meeting Linus for lunch today, so it was a lazy afternoon. Was chatting with mom, and thanks to her I cooked some lunch for myself. Then, in the late afternoon I set out to wander. Walked till the Clarens Station. Found out how to buy ticket from the machine. Wandered further to find dry cleaners. Then, finally came to Clarens Center where I buy groceries and all.

All the while, wandering alone, looking at the mountains (I had walked uphill today because the station is not on lake side, always uphill), looking at the snow, realising how the lavish green spread was turning into frosty carpet. Breathing in the cold air, I walked slowly , feeling how tiny I was and how huge the mounts were. The mountains seem so near to me, like Rukmini says, thoda haath aagey karo toh lagega chhoo hee lengey..

Then, it was time to do some Migroing and Denning...hmm Migros and Denner are few of the chains here. I went to the Migros. There while looking for groceries I identified two Indian faces. I was quick to flash a smile. I did not get a very warm response but I was sure they were Indians. Next moment I was by their side, having exchanged names of husbands, who had come from IBM kolkata to Nestle, I volunteered, and I am Vidwata. So that later one of them could or rather eventually would call up her hubby and say, Sweetheart, I met this Indian Female, wifey ....

eeks...

why refer women as females...

hmmm whatever...

i have more ideas on a better post... like the wonderful packaging of rice, salt, cornflakes.... ah i guess i need to write about how Europeans shop.... may be tomorrow...s omehow i feel like going back to Khandai's marketing class... or at least transfer the gyaan on to Annie...

!!!!
does this qualify to be a blog....

time to sleep..

gnite

Captured

The mountains seen through a window of a fortress, Chateau de Chillion.

Suisse Air

Bonjour!

I sit in my drawing room, through the thin transy white curtains, I look at the tree with yellow leaves and beyond that covered in fog or mist lie majestic Alps.

Each morning Linus steps out in the balcony and squeals, here look at it honey, it has snowed on that peak today. Every morning there is one more snow capped peak to look at. I smile at his joy, and from my kitchen I tell him, it is too cold to be outside.

I bring his steaming cup of coffee and lay his breakfast on the table. It makes me feel like a woman. 3 weeks on my own, 3 weeks of cooking, cleaning, carrying lunch for Sunil to the lake side, eating together- it has made me a woman. And I have begun to own this house. Or has this house begun to own me.... I wonder.

And, then when I have rendered my duties to this house. Like a free bird, no more a house wife, I start on a journey of my own. I walk the flowered roads by the lake side, I chat with a newly found friend, I read Amitav Ghosh's book, The shadow lines, I click pictures of mountains from the window of Chateau of Chillion. I wander with my hair dishevelled, like in college days, carefree and a rebel in some quiet ways...

A new life, or an old life... I wonder. Back in a pair of jeans, Nike sneakers and two straps on my shoulders of a bag like a skool going kid.... I wonder if it all were true, the make up, the lipstick, the sarees, the salwar kameez, the necklaces, the rings...

Hmmm... it is raining this afternoon. So Linus came home for lunch for a change. Otherwise I go to Vevey and we have our lunch together by the lake side.

Ah, I need to tell you more about the place I am now... A place that exists in dreams, a place that in the Globe or Atlas will read Switzerland...

More later.

Two passages from Atlas Shrugged:

Reading few lines: Sometimes few words express what we thought we are capable of only feeling and not expressing....

Few random lines from the current chapter of the book I am reading.

"But you do," he said calmly, smiling. " you still love me- even if there's one expression of it that you'll always feel and want, but will not give me any longer. I'm still what I was, and you will always see it, and you will always grant me the same response, even if there's another man. No matter what you feel for him, it will not change what you feel for me, and it won't be treason to either, because it comes from the same root, it's the same payment in answer to the same valuess. No matter what happens in the future we will always be what we were to each other, you and I, because you'll always love me."
----------------------------------------------------

That special pleasure she had felt in watching him eat the food she had prepared- she thought, lying still, her eyes closed, her mind moving, like time, through some realm of veiled sloness- it had been the pleasure of knowing that she provided him with a sensual enjoyment, that one form of his body's satisfaction had come from her... There is reason, she thought, why a woman would wish to cook for a man... ohh, not as a duty, not as a chronic career, only as a rare and special rite in symbol of... but what have they mad eof it, the preachers of woman's duty?

Just like that

I look at the empty expanse covering me up. The sky is lit with moon. It is not full moon. Linus would call it a whitelight bulb hanging out of no where.
Linus and I are so different some times. He cannot understand what joy I feel when I climb up on my terrace and stareat the clouds. He can't make out why I like to sing, Twinkle Twinkle Little stars, while moving back and forth on theterrace on an early evening.
He will crib lets go downstairs. It is at this point of time that I wonder what should I do? Go downstairs with himor stay on the terrace on my own and keep company with Mr. Moon and look out for an early star?
Linus goes downstairs. I am still sitting on the bench on my terrace. I plan to lie down on the bench and enjoythe cool evening breeze. Just then, my mother calls me from downstairs. Sullen, I walk down. She chides me for staying alone. I walk into the room, to be with Linus.
After an initial disapproval, I forgive him. And we spend an hour talking to one another.
The very next day, a friend of mine discusses about, Self. He asks me, if it is important that one should seekhis happiness before anything else. Is a person responsible for himself for his own happiness?
I wonder at his query. I wonder because, I would have liked to answer a YES, but I don't. I do not know why.Is it because I feel binded by people around me, that I seek my happiness in them. Am I trying to forget myownself and relish in the happiness around me. Sometimes, when I feel empty, where do I seek happiness.
It is very essential to be happy. To place your happiness first, but with tact. Because you want more than justbeing happy, you want someone there to share your happiness with.
Today I am sitting on my terrace alone. Linus has not yet come from work. I will relish this moon and breathe in the air and have my fill. And then, I can come back to Linus and share the smile that the stars sent me!
PS: Sorry for a late post. And sorry again for not writing on the temple... Some other time!

Shiva'a temple

My daily temple visits:

Let me confess at the outset that I am not a very religiously inclined person. Before I came to Kolkata I was this rush to college kid who barely managed breakfast and always cursed traffic jams in way to college. Praying was a distant affair. My mom would often crib, but to her dismay like any other collegiate I had developed the knack of ignoring her parental grudges.

I often would snigger at her advice of praying to Lord Shiva, so that I would get a nice groom. Arrey, who really cared for shaadi waadi anycase. The parking lot at my business school had a temple of Kali. I would do a quick salute to her and rush to my classes. That was what my religious encounters were about.

Yes, since I lived in Kathmandu, I would sometimes visit Lord Pashupatinath. I liked visiting the temple in the evening times, when it is much cooler and the campus of the temple is lit with small diyas. The bells chime and soon aarti begins. It always put me in a spiritual trance.

But again, as I said I was not very inclined to idol worship, it was to my friends' utmost surprise that I should keep a fast every Monday. The fasting started after my visit to my maternal grandmother. She cajoled me into keeping a fast. Having met her after almost 10 years, there was no way I could refuse her. And I thought keeping a fast once a week would do good to my body too.

With just that much of connection to God, and a little more : that when I wrote down things in my diary, I would often begin with, dear God....

And then one fine day I got married. There was no college to rush to, but I still got up early. After an 8 O clock breakfast, I thought it would be nice to accompany Linus downstairs, to see him off. This became a part of my morning. After seeing him off I would go to the nearby temple. This was the Shiva's temple.

I will try to describe this temple in the next post.

Till then,

:)

Vid

Out of Hibernation

It is a rainy afternoon. I walk up to my window to watch the rain. I look at the coconut tree bathing lavishly. What a wonderful shower, I smile to myself.
I am thirsty and Lakhan, our kitchen staff comes to me with a glass ful of coconut water. I relish each drop of it. The glass leaves a round stainon my glass top desk. I pick the glass up, and quickly wipe the surface with my palm, deposit the glass on the floor and continue to write.

Write about what?
This morning when I went downstairs with Linus, I thought of just writing about my morning. As a stay at home kid,it is like my friend leaves early for his school. After he has left there is little to do, no one to play with. And like a mother would humor her younger kid who still hasn't joined school my mother in law fusses over me.

Linus and I wake up around the same time. I sometimes take another 5 min nap, while he is reading Economic Times. After shower we both get ready for our breakfast.I hurry through my breakfast to keep my pace with Linus. Someone should advise him to start chewing his food. I wonder if he ever buys chewing gum. I wonder because I fear he will gobble it down too!
After breakfast, Linus will hang his bag over his right shoulder, carry his lunch box in his left hand and stand in front of the door, waiting for me. I step into my slippers and we both get inside the elevator. I press the G button and the lift goes down. Outside our gate we wait for his pick up. It is almsot like seeing your elder sibling off to school and hoping that next year you would be joining him to school.

We stand outside for about 5to 10 minutes. Linus remarks, if the Tata Sumo which carries the school children from our road has not yet come. We look around observing if the number of cars parked on the roadside is less than usual. We both smile in case we talk about the kiss in side the elevator.

His bus arrives with a zzzzzzz kind of sound that we can hear from a distance. Because the bus traverses a bend, we hear it first and then we see the yellowvehicle. We say our quick byes and off he is to work. While I walk a little distance and reach the neighborhood temple.
I will talk about the neighborhood temple in the next post. For now, my morning after my visit to temple continues into room cleaning spree and then to an extended afternoon. Will write more on what I really do in extended afternoons and small evenings!

Come Back

It has been long, and I have been away. I do not know if you have missed me. But here I am anyways.

Hmm, of all these days that I have disappeared I can perhaps only justify by writing to you about what I did .

One of the interesting things is about making maps. Let me confess at the outset that I am terrible with directions. My mom always says that I inherit my road sense from her. She, is as she says, has a highly developed road sense, it is just these darn roads that change directions, the monument which used to be in the left corner one day suddenly shifts to the right... and and everybody thinks it was always on the right! Now no body believes that roads change their course or that buildings move or that North always is at North. If you move from north to south you should be in south but in south also there is a north... how confusing....

So, in Kolkata, I have been trying to connect roads, Theatre road, Camac St, Russel St. , Park St. and so on and so forth. When I am in a cab with Linus, I look out of the window and try to make my map, often I have to erase land marks and reposition them. Linus wouldn't agree but I know roads have changed direction and repositioned themselves. Any case I make quick corrections and we move on.

In the process of map making I sometimes lose the track of conversation, of situation , of the fact that we are going to shop for him and not me. In such times I am very quiet, noting and jotting down landmarks and yes building my map.

Linus is lucky, he hasn't had to face the chatterbox upfront, as of yet.... But how long???

Cya all soon and around....
Vid

Words

Words!!!


Hmmm... I wonder what should I speak.

Speak about the humming of the airconditioner or the beep from my cell phone which announces that a new message has been received?

It's amazing that I am at loss of words. These days I often stare at my machine and wonder what next words to write. Words don't come easy any more. It's like they aren't friends with me any more. It's like we have had a fight, the words and me.

Hmmm... well if there were a way out, any chance that I could ask them to come back to me... Well well well thats when the wise men tell me, try try try..... and I remember one of my very early posts, which read... I will open the shop every day, whether or not the customer come... so I renew my pledge to sit down to write everyday, when spring isnt far away , why will the words be...

So, till tomorrow

Vid

KTM to Kolkata

Well well well, I know I am not even writing in full sentences. Hmm, not that half a sentence isn't trendy enough, however for a better understanding one would appreciate a well constructed sentence. So here I am, with few best sentences I heard today:

Oh Shit!
Damn!
Cut the crap!!!
Whats the full form of SOB...

(he he he.... does swearing qualify as sentence in the first place????)

My elder sister hates profanity of any kind. Well, I can't even say bloody infront of her, without her disapproving glance sweeping me up and down... Moreso, she is amazed that I would call my best friend names out of sheer love...

(hmmm... i must be talking utter nonsense... it is late night, am half asleep, just did my packing, am flying to kolkata tomorrow... so bidding a bye again... to this room, to this dimly lit room at this time of night... to everything that has been a part of me in growing up..... and there i go to embrace a life that awaits me....!! till then c ya, take care...and have fun growing up!!!!!!!!!!!)

More is less, when it comes to words and sentences or well, swear words... And well, in case there is anything interesting, will be back with a bang...Until then, the writer's block continues.

Nights never sleep!

Hmmm, I wonder if night also sleeps.

There are so many things one can wonder about. Wonder about day light , wonder about stars, wonder about poetry, wonder about poverty, wonder about what the maid who works for us 10 to 5 does after she reaches her home, wonder who will win world cup, wonder when will i get a job, wonder when will i come back to ktm again, wonder how far UK can be, wonder what people at the other part of the world eat at dinner while i eat daal bhat....

So many things to wonder....and still i wonder................how will it be to see ones sweetheart again after many many days....

hmmmm

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

What....

crazy thoughts at night
like working on Levis Strauss Case one night
like working on Sony wega versus Philips PT 29 3223 tonight
like so many things.... how things change
like saying i love you over and over again to the same guy
like closing your eyes and seeing him smile
like calling friends and groping for words
like not calling friends at all, now that you are home again
like belonging to a disintegrated gang
like having had an imaginary boy friend
like realising that I MISS YOU
like wanting to be together again
like living life KING size
like YOU and ME
like :)

Musings

Why?

I had it...
I had it deep
I had it wild
I had it fierce in me.

But naieve I was,
I let it out in open,
And there came a stranger
And he took it away.

I want it back,
Why did I let it go?
How come I dint realize
How come I let him squeeze every drop of it
Why did I let him take my passion away?


*********************************************

Dream

She wakes up from her dream in the middle of the night. She just saw her beloved. She turns on her bed, and stares at the empty side. There she had seen him, and now the mischivious lover hides away. She runs to her mother, and she gasps for breath while she squeals, I saw him Mother,I saw him. 'Ah!, poor thing, he is away, miles away in a foreign land. You haven't seen him dear.'

She lets her old mother retire back to her bed and off she runs to her sister, I saw him, dear, I saw him!, she gushes. 'Ah! you silly girl, you have just had another dream. Now be a good girl and let me sleep in peace..

Off she rushes to her room, and shuts the door tight. Then she talks to her dream, and tells it, eh you evil dream, why do you play games with me. Why do you show me his picture. Why did you tell me he's come? They tell me I am a fool, and they all laugh at me. It is all because you ... you silly dream. Now out you go from this room, from the room of my thoughts. I will see him when he comes in real... No more do I have patience to deal with you. So out you go oh silly dream!

Worth reading and re reading

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs saysThis is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO ofApple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12,2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of thefinest universities in the world. I never graduated from college.Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a collegegraduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life.That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but thenstayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I reallyquit. So why did I drop out?It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwedcollege graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates,so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyerand his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the lastminute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on awaiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We havean unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course."

My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduatedfrom college and that my father had never graduated from high school.She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a fewmonths later when my parents promised that I would someday go tocollege.And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a collegethat was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-classparents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After sixmonths, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted todo with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure itout. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had savedtheir entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it wouldall work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back itwas one of the best decisions I ever made.

The minute I dropped out Icould stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, andbegin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on thefloor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ depositsto buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town everySunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. Iloved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosityand intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you oneexample:Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphyinstruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, everylabel on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because Ihad dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decidedto take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned aboutserif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of spacebetween different letter combinations, about what makes greattypography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle ina way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life.

But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintoshcomputer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac.It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had neverdropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have neverhad multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And sinceWindows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computerwould have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have neverdropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might nothave the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it wasimpossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can onlyconnect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dotswill somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never letme down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss. I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and Istarted Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, andin 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a$2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released ourfinest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had justturned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a companyyou started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought wasvery talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or sothings went well. But then our visions of the future began to divergeand eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board ofDirectors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out.What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it wasdevastating.I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I hadlet the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had droppedthe baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard andBob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was avery public failure, and I even thought about running away from thevalley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved whatI did.

The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I hadbeen rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to startover.I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Applewas the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heavinessof being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginneragain, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of themost creative periods of my life.During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, anothercompany named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who wouldbecome my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computeranimated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successfulanimation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Applebought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed atNeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and Ihave a wonderful family together.I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't beenfired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess thepatient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick.Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me goingwas that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. Andthat is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work isgoing to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be trulysatisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way todo great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet,keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'llknow when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just getsbetter and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you findit. Don't settle.My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you liveeach day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly beright." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "Iftoday were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am aboutto do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many daysin a row, I know I need to change something.Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I'veever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Becausealmost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear ofembarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face ofdeath, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you aregoing to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking youhave something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason notto follow your heart.About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 inthe morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn'teven know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almostcertainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expectto live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to gohome and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepareto die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'dhave the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means tomake sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy aspossible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had abiopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through mystomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and gota few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there,told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctorsstarted crying because it turned out to be a very rare form ofpancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery andI'm fine now.This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its theclosest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I cannow say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was auseful but purely intellectual concept:No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't wantto die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. Noone has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death isvery likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's changeagent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now thenew is you, but someday not too long from now, you will graduallybecome the old and be cleared away.

Sorry to be so dramatic, but it isquite true.Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of otherpeople's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown outyour own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to followyour heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you trulywant to become. Everything else is secondary.When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The WholeEarth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It wascreated by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in MenloPark, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch.

This was in thelate 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so itwas all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It wassort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google camealong: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and greatnotions.Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole EarthCatalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a finalissue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age.

On the back cover oftheir final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road,the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were soadventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. StayFoolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as yougraduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. Thank you all very much.

Passing by

Well I excel in sarcasm they tell me some time... i would have been flattered had they also told me sarcasm of which genre... as in pleasant or unpleasant ....(and i didn't know sarcasm had genres... just invented this one!)

Now let me try my hand at sarcasm, wit and the little sense of humor i have.


* My pal sent me back the book he had borrowed. He is a very sensitive person. To everything that comes his way, he will keep it like it were his. So it is strange that in just two remindings he actually sent me the book back. Yes, the book doesn't look mine any longer. Like I told you, his love and ownership is all over the book. Only it looks yellow and smells of oil, when its on books!

*It was awesome, to a lesser degree. Like good is to better, it was some awe, and could have been better awe.. whatever, let me tell you what and where it was. At wild and wet - water park. We had loads of fun. We enjoyed the water rides, and floating on the simulated ocean. So could have the insects floating with abandon. Pity they just could not live up to it!

*Living away from your spouse must make you feel empty somewhere deep down. Because you now must be used to everything empty (read unoccupied), like the loo, the newspaper and your favorite seat infront of the tv.

* Thriller movies are great way of attracting attention. There are always smart asses who are eager to spill the beans. While you watch 36 China Town, just announce that you know who the murderer is. Well who said people don't pay attention to you!

*More later... much later!!!

Little things

How not to spend a weekend:

Wake up late and laze around whole day. Why? There are better things to do... Like get a haircut, get a pedicure, meet your Aunt ! He he he, actually I did all 3 of them today. I even signed up for fitness program. Will join my gym starting Monday.


How not to panic when you forget the way:

Road sense is bestowed on lucky few. So, it is okay if you are unlucky like me. My mom tells me, keep walking with a no nonsense gait, get into a shop and ask the shopkeeper for directions. If nothing is happening, get into a food joint, call home, she will come pick u up. So given this assurance, the damsel in distress gathers courage and traverses the path of the city of joy with much abandon.

How not to greet your old pal:

Say a nice hi.... oh oh oh .....don't miss the opportunity to slap him on his back...and say abbey, kaha kho gaye, shaadi kyaa hueee, tum toh bas biwi ke ho gaye.... whatever... it is an original line, and i am gonna save it for some good guy .... hmmm that reminds me... i havent seen a guy.. literally , -my hero is away...and i know of no elligible dates....- in Kolkata. and my sister plans to ruin all my opportunities tomorow, as she says... i dont care what you wear as long as you dont forget mangalsutra!!

By the way, I am going swimming and later for a movie.... So, well let me have fun...while the sun doesn't shine too brightly and it doesn't rain either....

Advertising Agencies in Kolkata

Jingle bell jingle bell... ad agencies in the Puchka City

JWT
e- mail:mike.khanna@jwt.com
247 8361

O&M
247 3406-7

McCann-Erickson India Ltd (0091 33) 2172001/2879
Kolkata:(0091 33) 2172001/2879Chennai:(0091 44) 435 9228, 432 3481Bangalore:(0091 80) 221 9058, 2229539Hyderabad:(0091 40) 3326261Television Billings: N.A.Capitalised Billings:Rs 3479.53 million(not available)Gross Income: 618.36 million Senior Executive:Sorab Mistry, Chairman & CEOMajor Clients:Coca Cola india(Coca-Cola/carbonated bevarages); TTK(LIG)(Kohinoor, Fiesta/condoms);Bacardi India(Breezer/ready to drink beverages);Johnson &Johnson India (Savlon,Band-Aid/woundcare);Gillette India(Duracell Plus/alkaline batteries,Fashion Razor 2001,Mach III Cool Blue /razors);Perfetti India(Happy Dent/chewing gum);TVS-Suzuki (corporate/TVS Max, TVS Scooty, TVS XL, TVS Sport, TVS Super, TVS Champ/motorcycles & mopeds); C.Krishniah Chetty (jewellery store);Thinkstream Technologies (software development); Virgin Atlantic (Virgin Atlantic/airline);Delphi Automotive Systems (Delphi/ automobile components);ACCEL ICIM (Accel-ICIM/ERP packages);UPS (UPS/ courier services);Times FM (Radio Mirchi/FM radio);Sundar Tajmahal Hotel (Taj Tristar/ hotels); Concept Foods (JLT/snack food);Eduquity(educational testing services);Reckitt& Colman(Cherry Blossom/shoe polish); Usha Martin Telecom(telecom);Nes tle(sunrise/ coffee); BPL (Gas tables);Khaitan (Fans); Nestle (Media buying); Stracon (Corporate); Goodyear India (Goodyear - tyre); Travel Corporation of India (tourism); MasterCard (credit cards)
Leo Burnett India Pvt Ltd (0091 33) 2801022

Mudra
Kolkata: (0091 33) 474 9084/85
Major Clients:Mahanagar Telephone Nigam Ltd (Corporate); Indian Express (News paper); Mid-Day (website); Global Trust bank (Banking);Indian Tourism Development Corporation (Hotels); Raj TV (TV Channel); Henkel Spic India (Detergents); Godrej Foods; Ahmedabad Electricity Co Ltd (corporate); LIC of India (Insurance - services); Honda Siel Power Products (gensets); Satyam Computer Services Ltd (Satyam - computer software); Satyam Infoway Ltd (Satyam - internet services); Cadila Healthcare Ltd (EverYuth - healthcare); Blow Plast Ltd (VIP Skybags - luggage carrier); Dabur Ayurvedic Specialities Ltd (Nature Cure - Ayurvedic products); Henkel Spic India Ltd (Fa - soap); Hindustan Motors Ltd (Mitsubishi Lancer - automobile);Samsung Electronics India (Samsung/televisions)

Saatchi & Saatchi
Kolkata:(0091 33)282 5295/557Chennai:(0091 44) 822 9213/52Bangalore:(0091 80) 506 5386-90/91-94Television Billings:Rs 392.4millionCapitalised Billings:Rs 711.5millionGross Income:Rs 159.98 millionSenior Executive: V.Shantakumar,managing director-chief executive officer india.Major Clients:Alembic Glass Industries( Yera Glass/crockery);Aptech (Aptech Computer Education/computer education);Ameya Trading Co (Superclass Coffee/coffee); Bayer India (Gaucho and other products/agro chemicals);Grasim Industries (Birla Plus Cement /cement );Indian Hotels Co (Taj Group of Hotels,Delhi /hotels);Shaw Wallace (Royal challenge/beer);TVS-Suzuki (Victor,Fiero/two-wheelers);Zee Telefilms (Playwin/lottery);Zandu Pharmaceutical Works (Zandu Chyavanprash,Zandu

Euro RSCG ( 0091 33) 464 7341/7798

Confluence Confluence Communications Ltd '
mail:conscree@satyam .net .in.
www.Confluencescree.com.Branch telephone numbers:(0091 33) 4630323
Major Clients:Ved Ram & Sons (Paras Milk /milk);VRS Foods (Paras Ghee/ghee);Paras Aqua Mineral/bottled water); Diamond Industries (Shop-n- Save/retail);United Riceland (Resham /basmati);GTC Industries (Style Mini Kings (filter)/cigerattes); P.A.Time Industries (Maxima/watches);Dixon Utilities and Industries (Weston TV/television

RMG Relationship Marketing Group India Pvt Ltd
phone :(0091 33) 5593471
Major Clients: Kewal Kiran Enterprises(Lawman Jeans/ready-made garments);Nine Broadcasting India (Channel Nine/TV Channel );DCM Benetton India(Benetton /readymade garments);Oyzterbay(Oyzterbay/jewellery);Marico Industries(Mediker/shampoos);Arvind Mills (Wrangler,Ruf &Tuf /readymade garments );World Tel india (Cricket Talk /magazine);Orbis Securities India (India Bulls/online tading);AM Marketing (Saj /consumer products );Dorcas Market Movers (Tejaswani /consumer products);Genesis Clothing (Genesis/readymade garments );Gangotri Textiles (Gangotri/ textiles)

Arms Communications Pvt Ltd,
Kolkata:(0091 33) 9831000051
Television Billings:1.7 million
Capitalised Billings:93.3 million
Gross Income:27.35 million
Owners:R.S. Ahluwalia ,G.S.Ahluwalia
Major Clients: Fortis Healthcare ( Fortis/healthcare);IT&T(Global/education);Relaxo Footwear (Relaxo/footwear); Net 4India (Internet service);Hero Mindmine (training)

....hmm.. lets call them up in the morning.... for now sleep....though it is the time to get up and get going..... lets catch a bit of sleep... missing my hero...!

A lonely night

Thoughts on a lonely night!

naukri.com
Why do none of the guys get back to me?

vidwata.blogspot.com
Why do I not write on contemporary issues, like Pramod Mahajan being shot by his brother, or the Budhiya kid who ran 64 Kms, or Naushad, or Varodara troubles, or Iran, or index getting high, or commodities marketing.... no wonder only I end up reading my silly banter... eh!

mail.yahoo.com
no new mails...argh....

roomie.heart.home
My roomie, is away... out of town, but here in my heart...he he he....

Rest later, time to sleep!

Today's Banter

Let me talk today... It has been long since I did that any case. So let me talk!

Discovery
Hmm, at present like a lady I met in the airport while coming back from Goa, I am a lady of leisure. I am doing things I hadn't known I would do. Things I hadn't known I would enjoy doing. Like, dressing up! It's amazing how a person discovers oneself slowly. Is it evolving or just discovering a hidden aspect of yourself... Discovering that you like to wear sexy dresses, like few girlz in college used to, that you like to swing your hips and dance wildly, or that you like to spike up your drink and loosen up a bit!

Favorite Phrase
I say hmms a lot of time. It's amazing some one can fall in love with these queer sounds.. They are interesting, if you go blank at a particular point of conversation, or when you want to skip few odd questions, or you just want the other person to keep guessing, you could easily smile and say..ummmm... Hmmm!!!

On food and paradox

Kolkata and food must have rhymed, but for some reason they just don't. I have eaten a year's supply of sweets already, and it's just been few months here. Now there is a paradox, I am thriving or gorging on food, while this desire to wear dresses which would flatter a flatter tummy becomes stronger :D.

Friends
One interesting facet of marriage is friendship... How I realise I have left many a friends, and befriended one. This one friend that I have for lifetime, and ... well, marriage doesn't mean you stop being friends with your friends!!! But relocating from KTM to Kolkata does mean, no more of scrabbles, no more of coffees at the Bakery Cafe, no more hopping in boutiques to get dresses made, no more eating daal bhaat and aaaloo at annie's, no more jumping at parties, no more cha cha with milan :P

But it does mean few other things, like celebrating Vikram's baby boy, who is just 2 days old. It does mean the next door Aunty stepping in to say a quick hi, it does mean dressing up for Priyanka's wedding, it also means becoming friends with mom in law :D

Love
Now this is a difficult word, a difficult topic, a difficult area in life.... Let me address few dilemmas that we often come across.

Can a person be in love for sometime in life with someone, and then with someone else later on... Is commitment love? If you could have loved once, and then loved again... is it true that you have loved at all...

Lesson
There is one lesson life teaches us all the way along. To be happy in what you have today. Because life showers the best to you each day. To hold ones head high and to feel the spirit within move with passion.

Sometimes, somewhere your passion might dwindle, but then, you are such that passion can never exhaust... It might seem so, but there is an infinite reservoire of passion from where one can draw the spirit, the vigor and strength to love, to love ones life... because it is precious!

Remembrance

There are few things in life that are difficult to forget. These things, these moments continue to live with you. And as they say, memories go on...

Tonight let me remember them and let me remember you...

• Coming home from college, with another hungry baggage called ANNIE. Both of us working in the kitchen and eating a big square meal.
• Watching movie together at Milanz.
• Baker's points donuts.
• The day I bought my first pair of contact lenses.

hmm, who do these instances remind me of ... ? obviously of a home , i have left at Kathmandu. It is an amazing feeling to realize that I am striving to start a home of my own now in Kolkata. And all of a sudden, there is remembrance.

Well, it isnt too bad to miss sometimes :)

Randomly

Some thoughts... some strange thoughts... some strange thoughts that have come after some time... :D

or rather...

a framework for writing an essay

or

mood swings...

Man - woman

He looked at her intently. Then suddenly a tear rolled out from his eye. He couldn’t believe what he had heard. The three words that she had whispered into his ear. The same old stereotyped words, I love you. And how much it seemed to mean to him. The words came out her mouth without much thinking, without much effort. They came out because she knew that was what he would like to hear. And just because she wanted him to feel good, she whispered the sweet nothing into his ear.

Love

What precisely is love? He tells her that he loves her, what exactly does he mean. Love between a man and a woman, is pretty selfish. A man looks at a woman with so many intents. Is a woman, an individual that he loves, or is she just a bust and butt material?

Is physical intimacy the reason a man loves a woman? Even if it may be true, is it right or is it wrong? Why do we tend to give a negative connotation to physical union of man and woman? Is physical intimacy the path or the end or the means to reach love?

Duty

Pativrata is described as a woman with following virtues:

She serves him like a servant when she must work for him.

She counsels him like a minister counsels his king.

She is a seductress in bed.

She is a mother when she feeds him.

Marriage

Why do people get married? Do they marry when they realize they want to.. or do they get married when other people or the society thinks it is the appropriate thing to do?

Marriage and Woman

I had never looked at marriage with much positive perspective. Marriage for me meant, binding to social norms. Somewhere, marriage seemed like something you could not run away from. I would often wonder if sane people would ever want to get married. Well, I for one would have been blissfully single had I had my way.... Thank GOD, I did not HAVE my way !

For a woman, getting married means relocating. It means more than that. In a Hindu Marriage, the girl is not just married to the groom, she is married into his Family. In my recent trip to Lankawi, an Australian couple gaped with astonishement as they noted that I would start living with my in laws after I get married. Perhaps it was just another cultural shock. But Indian and Nepalese marriages, are not just about individuals who are tying the knot. THey are more than just the two of them.

Well, I had been skeptical, that a woman, does not have a HOME, in true sense of it. She leaves her FATHER's home, as she gets married. I left my parental home... The bride goes into another family, she tries to make it her home. How easy or how difficult is it. Can you imagine, that you change your name, your family and your place (ktm to kolkata!!)??? Hmm, that used to be my attitude... However, there is a change in that attitude, I think a woman is priviledged, as she has the capacity to love, the capacity to belong to... And now I belong to two families! And I am priviledged to have double parental affection.

More on marriage later.. I could work on an essay I think... Send me your encouragements if you don't think this topic sucks ;-)

Interesting Quote

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty suure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Elizabeth Taylor

Idling Around

Starry Nights

I have often been fascinated by stars. Often I have tried to look up and figure out constellations, like those neatly drawn by Annie. I take a look at the paper in which constellations are drawn, the torch light hits lightly on the worn out paper. The next thing I do is swing my hand up and try to find the sapta rishi , in the light of my pen torch. And I laugh.

In my laughter, Papa's laugh rings in.
daddy dearest,
your little girl, is still little
so keep your shoulders strong
and take her for a piggy ride
when she comes home !

Rhymes

Whenever I see little kids, I think of rhymes. What were the rhymes that I sung when I was a kid. What were the poems, daddy taught us? I wonder, and I close my eyes and I see lovely little kids rushing home to mumma and daddy.

Utsho

There is a little boy I was meaning to talk about. His name is Utsho. He is slightly different from other little boys that I have met. Shy, recluse and intelligent looking boy. He will chant Gayatri Mantra, and he is just four. Instead of dolls, he will put Radha Krishna on his swing and play with Gods. And he calls me Aunty.

He reminds me of someone... Of Annie perhaps. the little four year old, reminds me of Annie. Sometimes in life you make a friend, you can be friends with... like a person to person.
like Annie to Vid, or may be like Utsho to Aunty!

hennaed hands

her white palm...
was painted with henna
her slender fingers
wore lovely rings

her face bright with pride
her face shadowed with unknown fear
ah this is how, this is how it is
this is how you be the bride...

missing you

my mornings:
sip by sip
bite by bite
i count each day

my nights:
dream after dream
thought after thought
i count each night!

from Kolkata

hmmm....

"so far so good"!! thats how I answer when people ask me, so how is it going?

What does getting married really mean, I wonder sometime... actually I wonder seldom, actually I don't wonder...I wonder about customer satisfaction instead... what the heck is that supposed to be.
Looks like all the world is not a market. Hmm.. K for Kookie Jar , the confectionary chain exclaims, confectionately yours... how confectionately... I walked down a few days ago to the bakery outlet to order a birthday cake for my 4 year old nephew. Hmm, Mam the truffle would taste better, the salesboy suggests me, as I struggle to choose design for the cake... WOW, whaat dozen of designs they offer... from Kathmandu to Kolkata, this is another impressive thing that I see.... lovely birthday cakes... for Rs 325 for a pound, I am wondering if I should order a cake shaped as crayon box... truffle or choclate (the slightly less expensive version) I ponder... Why dont you try Mam, suggests the helpful salesboy... whoa... a marketer seems pleased somewhere...what a n ice way to please a customer... to make him loyal... I relish on a piece of truffle and order him a 3 pound truffle cake... while on the counter he makes me pay for the cake i ordered and the piece I tasted..... sucks.... this place is worse than baniya kaa dukaan....
and they say confectionately yours.....

hmm.... well moral of the story.... customer focus...is something you find on text books...
another moral... cakes are tempting...so much that makes you forget you were on a fast...or is it the madu me, that thought one shouldnt let go of freebies.... heck..so far so good.

Gone with the wind

Kathmandu I am gone I am gone
Kathmandu I will see you again!

Hello,

I am off for a while... Off to another world. Finally, finally, finally... finally vid is getting married... finally she has found the one she was looking for... finally Kathmandu to Kolkata comes true.

Enough of sentimental talks.... I will be back (with hopefully new and better blogs) soon. For now its at least vacation till March!

Meanwhile... keep blogging, keep reading, keep going to work, keep squabbling with kid brothers, and and and have fun...

Love,

Vidwata Bahety
Vidwata Mohta
Vidwata Bahety Mohta

(which one sounds better??)

Poetry

Poetry has been off for a long time. Rummaging through my writings of past I found two of them. One I myself had forgotten that I ever wrote it. The other is more recent. Here are both of them.

Can you handle...
Date: 24th Oct, 2004

Can you handle me when i cry?
Can you handle me when i talk too much
Can you handle me when i wish i could fly?

Can you let me run like a child ?
can you let me come home to kiss you?
can you let me share my dreams that are wild?

can you take my hand and hold it tight?
can you take me in your arms and kiss?
can you take me out in a dark moonless night?

can you bear my sadness?
can you bear my joys?
can you can you can you???
you think you can handle my madness?

**************************************************************
No name
Date: June 13, 2005

He closes his eyes

And she fills his canvas with her vibrance

His lashes sweep each curve of her

And she lets him splash color all over.

A moment later the artist opens his eyes. She disappears and for a long time he stares at his white canvas.

In idle hours, he toys with words

A lilting poetry that he sketches in air

The paper is white and the pen untouched

He realizes there are no words to reveal her.

The poet realizes one truth of life. Some poetries cannot be translated into words..

I don’t know how to paint

I can’t do music

I even can’t describe in words

I haven’t yet learnt the feelings that can show I am here while I am not here.

Flashes of Creativity (adding to the series)

Title:Just an ordinary evening!
Date of Creation :27th March,'05

Tall coffee mugs, a lovely sun set and a dear friend to share an everyday evening on my terrace. You don’t look at the coffee mugs and wonder if the china is good. You don’t look around to scan if the terrace is clean. You don’t even look at what dress your friend is wearing. It is not important that you have a lavish house and lovely garden. It is not important that you have lovely chairs on your terrace. I loiter around with Annie, clicking the setting sun, while she makes faces. We both laugh heartily as she spills some coffee on her pink shirt. Now I wonder if this is not a special coffee, a special setting and a special friend. And see this everyday evening, the seemingly unimportant day of my life becomes so special, so dear.

There is so much that an individual can share with the world. Love, affection, friendship! On many occasions when I came up to watch sunset, I would look at the clouds, the color of the sun splashed across the sky and the glowing orange ball. At times I wrote poetry, at times I sighed in despair and at times I just talked to myself. And surprisingly each time the words that came to me were of love, affection or friendship. Of love, when I came with dreamy eyes as a teenager, of affection when daddy was not well, and of friendship when I could talk to myself about wonderful people who have made a difference in my life.

If I look at it objectively, there is nothing wonderful either about the coffee, the terrace or even Annie. The frappe that I blended in the mixer is just a combination of milk, vanilla ice cream, coffee and sugar. The terrace is an ordinary part of my house where clothes are lined to dry daily. The sun, what about it…. It rises and sets just every single day. And Annie is just another next-door girl who I could have never met. Nothing, nothing at all makes it interesting. But why do I need to look at it objectively. Life is not be looked at, it is supposed to be lived. And when you start living, breathing the fresh air, and feeling good about yourself you find out that each moment is so special.

(This remained unpublished, because it was a part of life, a day in my journal... Hmm.. Annie is however, good at prying, she had read this early on, like she often reads so many of my private things ;-) ... anycase, now that she has little chances of prying... I think I can share her kill with all of you. he he he)

Flashes of creativity

Hello readers,

Hmm, now that the blog has registered 1000 hits (wow), its time to celebrate!!! Well, for the time being lets do with a new post! To be true, I have not written anything today, nevertheless, if you would bear with me, we could celebrate a week long : flashes of creativity. Hmmm...which means , I will be posting my writings of past, which were left in between , incomplete or otherwise.
Feel free to critique.
*************************

Title: No name
Date of Creation: 3rd of Oct '05

She stares out her window to look at the full moon. The moon must bring to her the omen of his coming. She rushes to the mirror hanging on the other end of the room. What splendid beauty does she see in her own reflection. Her doe-like eyes are filled with yearning. Those twin twinkles smeared with kohl grow bigger in anticipation. Her heart flutters, and she knows he will come to her tonight. To take her away with him in his steed.

She runs across the paddy fields, bare feet. Her feet feel light, her hands over her bosom, she keeps running till her heart pounds so loud, that she is out of breath. And she bends down on the river that has been running along with her. And she sees herself. And she sees him leaning over her. Like lightening she turns back to greet him, but he like a playful lover hides himself from her.

She looks for him. Laughing and euphoric. Yes, her love is here. He is here. Only he hides, to tease her. How mischievous he is. He is a rogue. A rascal. Yet so dear. So dear. He beckons her in the water. She walks towards him. The waves splash by her tiny ankles and they grow stronger. She doesn’t know what turmoil lays before her. But why would she care. He is here. Oh! He is here.

(the ending was unsatisfactory...probable reason the short stint of creativity remained short...crap ending was...)
Next morning villagers find a young girl dead by the side of the river. She probably had a moon fever. Roaming around alone on a full moon night and when the waters are high. The devil must have taken her senses away.

Random Thoughts on Friday Night

Warm milk, throbbing ear, silent night and random thoughts...

Cell phone

On Thursday: I get discount on cell battery because the cell phone network isn't working .
On Friday : I put my cell phone for charging --> Though cell phone network has been jammed for two days in a row, it has nicer uses as an alarm clock, reminder and reading old smses.


Milk

Warm milk every night, on my computer table. I drink it sip by sip, careful now in order to prevent, 'milk spill' on my keyboard.
Some people don't drink milk. Linus doesn't. Mumma says, everyone drinks milk here, with a menacing grin (beware Linus).


Writing
I realize I am becoming an editor of some sorts. I censor my own work these days. I fear being interepreted and misinterpreted. I write and then I hit the backspace key. Makes me wonder who am I fearing. My intention to write is simple, I write because I want to. Why does my intent try to accomodate people who will read what I write. Why do I bother how they would interpret things? Hmm... well then I should promise you another post on, 'Perhaps God has a bad handwriting'. In the last post, I left at an ambiguous point, God's handwriting. I was careful not to write more, and not to write less. Not more, for fear that people would try to read in between lines, and not less because then the whole purpose of writing would be defeated. So, on Friday night, I give my self this freedom of expression... lets see what I end up writing.

Smoke
Kathmandu was relatively smoke free today. As in, with curfew on, the automobiles kept twiddling their thumbs in their respective garages. Smoke, makes me think of differnt kinds of smokes"
Black smoke spewed out by a huge Swaraj Majda bus
Thick smoke rising up when they burn tyres on the streets as a gesture of protest and demonstration
White circling smoke coming out of Marlboro Light

Ear ache

I have a throbbing ear ache...

Sleep

I can sleep for more than 1o hours in winters...

breakfast
I am going to make Poha for breakfast tomoro on mumma's demand.

Shopping
Used to be a pleasure activity ... now is work ( i am unemployed and getting married!! )

Books:
TO read.... the list is never ending.......

Next turning point
15th Feb!

So far so good... Time to read something and then off to sleep.

The good old ME

Hi!

I am back. Sorry, the post comes much later than what I had promised. Well, I was down with cough and cold and sitting in sun seemed better option than infront of my pc in my cold room.

It is a thursday night, a regular thursday night. My sister is back to her school, so the other side of my bed is again empty. I am alone in my room. The blower is blowing out hot air, the click clack of my new keyboard is the only dominant sound, and I sit down to write something.

Let me write down things i will never forget from this visit :

• the roses at the airport
• the walk beside the pool at hyatt
• CCD on Saturday
• the coffee
• the pastries
• the chairs
• the cellphone ringing
• the permutation and combination of people together ...
• the beep (alarm started as i was trying to get in with a packet, i needed to deposit it at the security check counter) at shopper's stop and the goodbye
• Bluffmaster
• Harry Potter
• Walking thru Burrabazar's hustle bustle
• Learning how to eat jhaal moori ( you dont bring your mouth to your palm, you just flick the moori to your mouth which is raised 30 degrees upward in anticipation)
• Learning how to create way through the crowded road, swinging hands left and right to protect against being shoved
• Banging on the hood of the car to tell it that, it is you who will move first, this is Burra bazar, kyaa
• Crossing road at park street
• Catching cold in cal
• Checking mail in cal's cyber for the first time, with Sunil
• Realising a week has gone by.... get into the cab and get to airport
• hmm... i will be back soon! Kathmandu to Kolkata!!!!!!! the feeling sinks in.

hmmm... now that was a hodge podge summary.... but i will tell you it was a pleasant trip. No I did not discover anything new. I only met friends, and sat across them and talked to them.

No truths found, only that, God probably doesn't have a good handwriting... :))
But he makes wonderful stories.... someday i might get some capability to write down few things, as nicely as he shows me. Thats all for now... time to sleep.

will be back on 16th

dear readers,

hmm.. vid is out on a trip. this trip is somewhere pretty important...

i will be back on 15th, and log on to read something on 16th of Jan, 2006!

till then,
cheers

vid

morning musings

Philosophy, Life and Marriage

I remember whenever I have been in dilemma I have taken to find an answer in some kind of philosophy. Or rather, by trying to peek into philosophy, of which I little understand, I have attempted to bewilder myself to a separate state than of the bewilderement of dilemma. However, until there is a resolution of dilemma, it is like out of the pan, into the fire place!

The first time I remember I took to philosophy was 4 years ago. As an undergrad student, and a teenager in love. (will not get into the argument or discussion if at all it was love, that for later blogs). However, this person seemed to have a secret love already! So, you see, a teenage damsel in distress reading, Radha Krishna and KrishnaMurthy. At this point, I also got a book, called The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. Given, the emotional temperament, that girls are besotted with, or by the virtue of being a girl, being sentimental comes first and logical comes next, I was well versed with the prose of Tagore, his love poems, that he writes in the gardener than the basic tenets of philosophy.

Now at this moment of life, I seek philosophy again, not by choice, by an accident (is serenditpity the write word to be used here…). Not that I was not tempted to go back to Tagore and his lovely expressions ( I will post one of his poems, that I like and you will know what I mean by saying the temperament I possess by the virtue of being born as the female of this specie).

Suddenly, I am reminded of my friend who about 4 years ago, in my attempt to learn philosophy (existentialism and metaphysics fundas), had told me, keep philosophy and your personal life distinct, don’t mix them up. Philosophy is a pursuit. It is not to implement in your life. I had agreed to him, and all these years, I have been somewhere forming my own philosophy of life, and being influenced little by others (I attribute this to my ignorance to philosophy, I have not read Kant, a little bit of Russel and I even wont be able to name ten names of philosophers, next to Plato and Socrates..)

My influence in the last two years have been, Al Ries and Jack Trout. Their marketing fundas! Before, I digress, let me come back to Kahlil Gibran. I would like to post a prose of his, from the book the Prophet.

It is on marriage. And here it is.

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:

You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces inyour togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love : Let it rather be
A moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each others cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but
Each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone thought they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can containyour hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.


As always, poetry is also philosophy, and sometimes may be slightly easier to understand.

Now something from Tagore. Before I write it down, let me tell you why I read the gardener, it satisfies, the emotional reader, the emotional writer, the emotional dreamer. Yes, dreamer, somewhere all of us dream, and live in a dreamland, dreams are fed by poetry and not reality. The other day, a friend of mine brought me to stark reality, where a dreamer and a poet has to abandon his literary armaments, and face himself upfront. However, Tagore for now-

I run as a musk deer runs, in the shadows of
the forest mad with his own perfume.
The night is the night of the mid-May ,
the breeze is the breeze f the south.
I lose my way and I wander, I seek what I cannot get,
I get what I do not seek.
From my heart comes out and dances
the image of my own desire.
The gleaming vision flits on.
I try to clasp it firmly, it eludes me and leads me astray.
I seek what I cannot get, I get what I do not seek.

There are more prose I can pick from the Gardener but for now, this will be it. However, there remains a two liner, a work of the National poet of Nepal : which is an implementable philosophy for me :

Aayera kahiley ritu siddhidaina
Layera maya mutu ritti daina

Meaning :
1st line : Seasons do not end, by coming. ( my elaboration : seasons come each year, spring comes each year, it does not end by coming again and again… there is an infinite reservoir that nature has.

2nd line: Your heart doesn’t empty itself by loving ( my elaboration : like the infinite reservoir that nature has, that seasons do not end, this heart also belongs to nature, to GOD, who gives us an infinite capacity to love, love doesn’t stop coming in your heart, just because you have loved)

This post should have been titled, poetry, philosophy, marriage and life!

Situation

The writer is working on her notebook (borrowed notebook). No coffee getting cold. She has sipped warm milk, and nowadays she sips milk slightly away from her desk, lest the white fluid spill all over her desk and specially harm her notebook.

Hmm, the situation is lovely. Finally the plot has thickened. The end has lots of activity. Now, as a writer she broods over the situation with intense contemplation.

half written Dialogs:

white Mouse1 : I am hungry.
white Mouse 2 : It is Monday stupid. Vid doesnt eat biscuits in her bedroom, and the Pringles kaa dibba is empty. Wait till morning.

white mouse1: :O are we in vid's room. I thought Vid hates mouses.
white mouse2: are you mad types. Vid is a dudette. she just hates the wriggle of our tails...well she hates our tails, given our species had a bad shady character in Harrry Potter III, she is sligtly wary of us.

white mouse1: but two mice in her room. it is scary.
white mouse2: who said it is vid's room.
white mouse 1: ??
white mouse 2: vid is in a trap and so are we.... the same trap...

hmm... dialogs end...

what is a trap? trap is not having anything intersting to blog about. Having to read annie's crazy blogs, waking up in the middle of the night...and feeling completely woken up.
who says you need to make sense every time.... I dont make sense now, so ??? (what's new...annie must quip here he he)