Random thoughts

I have not been writing but I ought to. I sometimes wonder why I have given away my blog URL to people who could be my relatives... There are times when I want to write without bothering about being politically correct. Aint it already cumbersome to be in a world which wants you to be like that!

Nevertheless, like a shy lover who postpones proposing the object of his affection for the lack of ambience while walking on a busy street, I postpone letting my hair down to allow a stream of emotions run riot through words. Okay, I have already started getting poetic. If no one I really knew was reading this blog... I could swear that a good whisky would probably set the mood for a poet in a blogger ;)

Okay, enough of my multiple standards ( I knew you just turned your nose on my double standards)now lets begin on some good enjoyable conversation.

I know we have not had a nice chat for a long time. Much has happened if you ask me. And nothing has happened if I see it as it is. The same peaceful life, the same pace with which I have quite managed my short temper, the same high maintenance me, the same fuss about home cooked food,... thats how life has been... but let me look around me...

Shrawani

Shrawani is a young woman with delicate hands. I like the fact that her name begins with "Sh". Suddenly I wonder why is not sugar spelt SHUGAR! Ah, I have begun to talk of me again. Shoo, i must not do that. Let me tell you about Shrawani instead. Her cheek go red when I mention that she is looking pretty. Well, she is pretty. Pretty like Neha in Five Point Someone. And like Neha she has a deep secret. A sad secret. She has suffered a loss too or rather she likes to think that she has. No, she does not remember what it was. May be she has stopped acknowledging it after all. Is that why we call time is a great healer. After some time all sorrows begin to fall in place like the pits in the road through which you drive home each day. You know where the pot holes are, and you are apt at saving the bump over each one.

Shrawani stands by the window of my room and stares at the moon. The crescent moon, her lover. It is amazing how this girl could have fallen for a moon- a distant and a cold object. She now tells me that she no longer spends night in her open terrace staring at the moon. "How long could I have gone begging, asking him to come to me? May be it is a woman's vanity or may be I was brought back to sanity." I muse at the rhyming of vanity with sanity. She continues- Ah, yes it was a painful decision, but not something i came all of a sudden. I knew it deep in my heart that the moon I saw in the silver bowl filled with water was as illusive as it could be. I therefore let me heart bleed and I ran downstairs, never to step back on the terrace." I wonder what she meant, "never to step back on the terrace".




Shashank
Let me also introduce you to Shashank. Slender, slightly dark and with that Buddha's smile, he is not exactly a picture of any young girl's hero but he is some material. This carefree devil has his own sweet charms. The way he wipes the corner of his mouth his slick ciggi as if wiping away an itch or the odd way in which he continues to stare at you while you are walking towards him. Well, this guy too has his own set of secrets. No, I do not know about those however. Guys you see are better at keeping their secrets. Hmm, girls must wash their linen clean...whether in public or private...but guys they will keep their dirty linen stacked in the laundry bag where it will stay as it is for days..months...years.... I sometimes feel what will I find if I dig deep down --- a dirty sock???

Sage

Now enough of these people... However, i must mention a sage I met today. She said she had conquered pain. she said...she had suffered like a butterfly caught in the net of fate... that with the loss of the ability to fly...the butterfly could only crawl on the ground. Now is it a feat or an accomplishment that this creature feels no more fear or no more pain. Can there be a pain bigger? If it is small it is nothing... I just dont feel it...

parting lines

These are again for those reader friends I hardly know, but who know quite a lot bout me. Thnx for asking after Linus. The guy is hale and hearty despite being married for now more than 2 years!!

Could this become a song...?

Live this moment / As long as it lasts

Don't try to clutch me in your dainty little fists
For I am time and I flow like water

Don't fret about what tomorrow holds
For today you are holding his hand

Don't ask me for promises that end with 'forever'
A moment of togetherness is all I can offer

Don't be alarmed if your heart bleeds
For that is the proof that is not made of rock

Don't pin me foolishly to your bosom
It is just tonight that I can bring love to you


I am just a moment, I will thence pass
So, live it as long as it lasts...

Vidwata

कुछ सिलसिला ख्वाबो का !

Hmm, blogspot now has this feature to change what you type in English to hindi...you saw the title of the post!

Well this is not a Hindi poetry but just some random jottings..

# no longer is any wait long
# no longer are horns too loud

Hmm... why do some people murmur 'I love yous' while sitting in solitude. Are they thinking of a beloved far away or are they used to talking to themselves. I had a friend who often would be lost in thoughts, smile to herself and then unintentionally say those three words... Don't know to whom?

She told me one day that she had got so much used to dreams...dreams of the right one... dreams of the one who is made for you... and all that mush... that she decided to talk to him even though he had not made the worldly appearance.

I sometime think her world is like Harry Potter's. In a way she lives with us, the non magical people (muggles) and she lives in the magic of her dreams. Hmm...

Now...some more disconnect in thoughts...
#Who can be better friends than words,
Words that you can twist and turn but will still come to you as the magical thing that can express you... be it your sorrow be it your smiles..

#write those words down....doodle...

#Friends.... are left behind....they get good jobs, they get married..they wonder if they have anything left to share with you...

#Friends can desert ... words will not.. Even after you decide to abandon your blog, or your stories or the pen and paper...they will still come rushing to you...

#In your loneliness if you ever welcome a soul who will not poke you where you are still vulnerable then thats words...

# did you see a movie called 'shabd' starring sanjay dutt and aish... what a co..both are now married, albeit to different people..

# now posting this piece because of my reverence to words today... what's been written shall not be deleted... he he he (the ravana laugh..:D)

Khwab aur Saagar

hmmm poetry after long is it? Okay, I know it is a post after a little too long.

A year has gone, you will say.. but let me make amends...

There was something i was thinking of this morning.... thoughts had come in Hindi, I will write it that way (but not in devnagri) and translate it to English

Saagar key they tum,
Sagar mey mil gaye,
yu hee bas anjuli baar baar dooboti rahi
yu hee bas tumhey dhoondti rahi apne khwabo mey
-----

You belong to the ocean, you have gone back there,
I just kept on trying to fish you out of the water
between my palms that I so many times dipped in

You belong to my dreams, and I am used to looking for you there!

----

Hmm, what day you say dude? Well, do you sometimes miss some one like this. Someone who was never yours, never belonged to you. Someone who is just a dream, or an illusion.

No Comments but Compliments!

Compliments are always nice and they make your day!


After having read somewhere that giving a compliment to a stranger (like a bank teller who you are interacting with in a bank, a salesperson in a boutique etc),was not considered uncivil but was rather one of the good things you could do in life. I actually do that once in a while. If I find someone with beautiful hair, I walk to that person and tell her. She is astonished at first, breaks into a smile and then perhaps gets slightly suspicious until I disappear!! It however leaves a nice finish, a lingering feeling of joy or rather, a joy out of doing yet another‘weird’ thing.

All that aside, I am now developing an ease at complimenting people who I 'know'.Be it D's lovely kurta or G's white shirt with nice black vertical stripes or M's beautiful eyes! Most often, we just don’t do that. Can you remember when were you last given a compliment? And when did you give one!

Every individual, specially women, crave for compliment. Be it on their dress, looks, hair, smile, eyes, or the curry they cooked last night! One thrives on such attention or the rare adulation.Though women are known to be checking out other women. But when it comes to compliments, all women are the same, they really need one, and they hardly give one!!

Men and compliments must come in a package. Specially when they are courting their sweethearts. They are apt at giving you that look and telling you, that you look great! Great!! that word sums it up. A woman's compliment to another speaks volumes- the compliment albeit a rare one, has more texture and depth than just GREAT! Is it the women's eye to detail that the compliments are rare, or is it the adulation of men that complimenting the women is easier for them!

Well, compliments are not recieved everyday. You want to make someone's day then give a genuine compliment. And for you all is not lost,you have yourself- to compliment! But again, you should be able to compliment honestly! As in, look in to the mirror, when you have taken care to dress up and smile …GOSh, that female in the mirror is looking pretty!! Well, in case you smile you are bound to look pretty! So, said my class teacher, all girls look beautiful with a smile on!

Now this deserves a comment if not a compliment!

Media Vehicle!

Health, Beauty and Cosmetics Estée Lauder always said there were three ways to communicate: telephone, telegraph and tell a woman.

Caught a...

It is in deed difficult time in Kolkata. There might be a lot of 'catching up' if you were not already aware.

There was this recent riot over Taslima Nasreen. During our discussion at office,her (in)famous Lajja caught our attention. Then there was venemous condemning of all the violence. It was terrible, the children coming home from school were caught in a difficult situation.

Things got this bad, that 'catch' no more reminded one of the good days of Indian Cricket. And well, to make the matters worse, the cold has descended in Kolkata. Being from Kathmandu, (which everyone here believes is cold through out the year) I was selected as the responsible one to 'catch' the cold. Lo! I caught it.

However, I cannot take the achiever's trophy alone. For I can hear the continous, 'surrrrr surrrrr' from behind my back. There is G, who has stepped up, shown his bravery and claims his share of fame having caught a cold himself! I wonder if all the cops in Kolkata will soon follow our footsteps!

Hmm, so the incessant 'dhrrrrr' from the office ac is now punctuated with timely 'srrr srrr'. This is not some funny sound to be laughed at. Its not rare but a prerogative of this part of the world. During my short stay in Europe, I was faced with people forcing their head out of their noses. Covering their nose with a wide 'kerchief they would go 'shoo...choo...khooo.....' (depending on their origin, French , German or Italina... and more on my translation of their nasal phonetics). They are so bereft of the rhythmic, 'srr srr', I would muse, while punctuating the silence in many public places in Swiss with my rhythmic you know what!

But this sound of music was not to last long.Not having an ac to add to the beats of the music, Linus interrupted. 'Can't you just blow in one shot rather than pulling it up again throught your nasal track while it stubbornly wants to get the hell out.And you like someone scared of losing a precious possession are there guarding strictly at the exit, and a vehement .... SURRRR each time it tries to sneak out. 'Let it go V', let it go, or rather blow it out. It is not like a past love affair that you are clinging to!

Hmm, after the rare lecture from soft spoken Linus, I changed my strategy and went anti SURRRR... though I did doubt that someday I will blow my head out through my nose!

G goes SURRR once again, reminding me of the good old days and I promptly head to the looo to blow out in one .........................!

Deepawali - a garland of lamps!

A picture speaks for itself! Shot taken a day before Diwali, on the balcony of Netscribes, Kolkata.

Happy Deepawali

A festival of lights!

I have seen children so eager at the mention of Deepawali (better known as Diwali). We too as children were like that. Looking forward to was so easy back then- new frocks, people visiting us, we visiting people and of course NO SCHOOL. These days it is 'Dhoni Dhamakas' (cracker named after the current Indian cricket captain), designer lamps and more.

Things changed over time as things change over time! The girls grow up from their frocks to their longer skirts, boys from their shorts to full lenght trousers but the looking forward to doesn't change much. From a festival of lights, Diwali however did become a 'cleaning spree for me'. Diwali time became synonimous with a 'clutter free' exercise, as we started to help Mom get rid of things we did not need. There were things like the house being painted, washing the curtains,etc. etc. that busied the adults of the house. We on our part removed the trophies placed on the pelmet tops and clean the surface and the accolades. Sadly those cups have been long packed up in the attic, no more in the prized display!

I do not know why but I somehow ended up enjoying the 'sorting out clutter'. I still enjoy going through things that have just been- buried under several layers in my drawers.The fun begins once you take out each thing and then before deciding which heap they should go to- The 'throw now' or 'throw later, next year perhaps ;)" or the 'can't be thrown'- you go back to the times when you had accumulated those stuff. Then comes those dilemmas one might dread. Of keeping the postcards given by friends when we were in standard V. Or those birthday cards collected over the years, or the newspaper cuttings like- Jug Surraiya's Monsoon Wedding, Dosa and Goethe (the middle piece in TOI long back, cherished till today!)... These were treasures I never went back to until Diwali. And come Diwali, they would come out popping from various drawers. I would spend the rest of my 'cleaning day' re reading articles, letters, cards. Now with the e-age. Things are so much simpler. My friends send me mails, and e-greetings! And Gosh, my inbox is cluttered! But I have no heart to give it a Diwali Spruce up.

I did end up sorting out and removing what I had not used for the past two years, and then have moved on to removing stuff I have not used in the past one year. I believe one could develop a therapy, if it did not already exist. A therapy of sorting clutter. This exercise soothes you, brings a sense of 'organized' to the unorganized mind! But I think this will be a cult therapy. As there dont seem to be many takers. My mom would oppose it outright, she has never been too happy when I take days cleaning a small room of mine! Moreover, she is a more compiling than a throwing person!

Too much of clutter, let me talk of lights now. How I love lighting 'diyas' , the small earthen lamps. And how lovely they look, jhil mil compensating for the sky bereft of the shining moon! Happy Diwali all of you!!

Bean there, Done that!

Something on Coffee:

Well here is some bean for thought for coffee cravers!

Green coffee is coffee that has not been roasted.

The drink "Americano" was named after American soldiers in WW II who found the European way of drinking caffe as espresso too strong. Baristas would cut the espresso with hot water for them. (from wiki)

Which leading brand in American coffee has the tagline: 'Good to the last drop'?

You might not really hear of Nescafe in US!

(more later...)

New Post

No new posts? No new recipes tried? No lovestories spun? My long time ago journo friend, even came to an extent of suggesting, Marriage...is showing AGE on you!

So, I decided, that the next time idea flits (another friend of mine suggests carefully dropping out the 'r' from 'flitting'), I should obediently open my notebook and keep jotting.

I read my friends blog, where she was babbling about, Manjushree Thapa's short story collection... Ummm., the good things in life... reading books, listening to songs that your friend introduces you to, the smell of baking cake... and getting jealous when your best friend gets another 'bosom friend'.... he he (i am kidding annie)

Hmm, its travel time again. Rajasthan is the destination. I hope to get loads of pictures and then blog them all.

Till then, shaadi girl and shaadi boy keep jumping!!

iPhone!

Apple with Aplomb?

The much hyped debutant in this June, iPhone has been called, ‘game changer’, ‘magic’ and a ‘revolutionary phone’. The New York Times says, ‘The creation, the iPhone, priced at $499 or $599, will not be for everyone.’ But this creation is set to change the operating paradigm for the music and mobile industry. Like iPod changed the way we listen to portable music, is iPhone going to change the way we say ‘hello’ or is it going to create a whole new mobile web experience?

Steve Job introduced this revolutionary phone at MacWorld 2007, as an iPod, a phone and Internet communicator. ‘A product that is way smart and way easy to use.’
The buzz word has been the revolutionary user interface. With a giant screen and the best pointing device: the finger, Apple has set the shift to a paradigm of touch screen interface.

The revolution is not as much in the seamless integration as is in the simplicity of use. The ‘button less’ experience clearly announces the departure from technology oriented experience that only makes it difficult for the user to operate the phone to an amazingly pleasurable user experience. In other words, the hours of poring into the user manual to get going with one’s smart phones are going to be a matter of past with iPhone. The mobile industry will now shift to an iClone axis so that they are in same position as the iPhone, way smart and way easy.

Music and social networking will certainly see a change with an iPod and a phone together. The discussion below tries to sum up the changes that iPhone can bring in the music and mobile industry.

Changes in Mobile music Industry:
Mobile phones already are equipped with music player. However they are all lacking what a music listener needs. Be it a constraint like storage capacity (64 MB – 128 MB are standard flash card memory) or overpriced songs. No wonder phone users use their phone to listen to music. Today they use iPod.

Changes in mobile industry

User Interface (UI)
Like we have transcended from command line to icon based user interface in PC computing, mobile UI will shift from the ‘button - key’ interface to touch interface. This will change the high tech mobiles into a handy gadget.

Better Software
Jobs pointed out in his key notes, buttons and controls can’t change. But now we are equipped with a UI that gives immense room for improvisation of gadgets in few clicks (or rather finger taps). It might be as simple as a downloadable ‘update’ in the phone that can access the Internet. With iPhone 5 years ahead of any phone, we will see a spur of phones with better software.

Visual appeal
More over, with the slick design of the iPhone, we have stepped onto a generation of truly good looking phones. Handsets will not just deliver functional requirements. They will strive to fulfill the emotional desire of the users.

Simple and precise mobile services
Visual non linear voice mail : iPhone does away with listening to voice mail linearly, one can now jump to the important voice mails without going through a myriad of other voice mails.

Content Industry in Mobile
Mobile advertising will become more aggressive thanks to giant sized pocketable screens, which will give a bigger platform for the viewable information. We might also see a departure from the expensive ring tones to music tracks downloaded through iTune.

Apple’s Strategy
iPod to iPhone ?
In a way iPhone might be all poised to cannibalize its own sibling before the competition does. With your phone and your iPod (both integral to users today) together, you are carrying one device less with you and you will listen to music on your phone.

Apple must be looking at pocketable computing power, social communication network and music all in one in the future. There may be another leapfrog from iPhone to a more futuristic yet simple device.

References
http://www.webdirections.org/2007/06/11/iphonesafari-is-the-mosaic-of-the-mobile-web/
http://www.apple.com/quicktime/qtv/mwsf07/
http://www.infosyncworld.com/news/n/7407.html

http://gigaom.com/2007/06/29/iphone-music/

Farewell, is it?

Home Sweet Home
Last night before saying good night to mommy, I knew I would miss home. I wanted to cry and ask her if I could stay with her. I was so much at home again. It was okay even if my brother had sabotaged my room. That I did not have my personal phone and pc. I did not want those flashy rings, that slick cam, or anything. I wanted to be home, with mom and dad.

It is hard to leave the place where you have grown up!

Friends my treasure

Yesterday, I was with Annie the entire evening. Shopping for her wedding.The two of us were shopping again like we used to. The one difference, and probably one BIG, we were both into jewellery now. She tried various gold bangles on her delicate wrist. I suggested a this and a that. We looked throught the array of gold rings and then diamonds, 'girl's best friend', they twinkled .

But my treasure and my friend, is not a diamond that have been mined from the bloody mines of South Africa, but this diamond who is soon going to be married to a buddy of mine (oh oh).

work work and no work

A buddy suggested I get into writing a book. Annie suggested dropping CVs at Banks, as a management trainee.

I cringe when I have to fill the occupation field in various forms. 'House wife", 'freelancer' or others, these are the options I am stuck with. Freelancer is an achievment through my exteneded imagination :)


Kathmandu
Kathmandu, you and your dirty streets. The bomb explosions, the shortage of petrol... the crazy gallies (alleys)... I will miss you!

Poorani Jeans aur...

Nostalgia, is it?

Last night I was driving my same old car. After more than a year, driving 4842 had been slightly difficult. But last night I was driving alone . It brought back memories. Memories of those old days, driving home in the evening. Almost dark. Driving alone. Yet not so alone. I remember so well talking to myself or was it talking to someone else. There was a someone who used to occupy my solitude. My thoughts of a faraway lover, an invisible beloved. Who was not there, yet was there. 'So much in love with the idea of love', my friend would tease me. I even had a poster which read, I am already fallen in love and now I am waiting for some one to fall in love with me. It was cute poster, showing a teddy fallen in a nicely lit well.

One fine day the invisible beloved would become visible. 'And he will do pattar pattar (prattle) in Hindi sitting next to you', Annie would comment as our gang would sipping coffee in one of the cafes in town. We would slyly exchange that knowing smile. I couldn't share my fantasy of an invisible lover to all, could I?

Such is youth. Love fills your heart to the brim . My ride last night revived those crazy old days, and I realized I have become wiser, (should you read OLDER!).

This is an aimless post, let me link it to Milan's jumbled love poemto make some sense out of nonsense!

Of Morning Walks

Random thoughts

He tells me, Kolkata's biggest business is food business, during our 15 minutes jog. The beautiful monument, Victoria Memorial, bathed in the early sunlight gives me a sense of gazing at Taj mahal. I quicken my pace and my steps fall along with his. 'Why?' I enquire. And he smiles as he looks ahead.

My recent stint to morning walk cum jog has made me observe certain things. And while jogging I wonder if there is going to be a next Chetan Bhagat style book on Victoria Memorial in the morning. I mean it is amazing: the fresh air, the greenery, so many people, some laughter club ( an 'attahas' (Hindi word, Sanskrit origin, would be more apt rather than calling it laughter), yogas, Ramdev Babas tummy in tummy out...(kapalbhaanti, i remember), men and women of all ages, of all shapes and sizes, in different attire.

I tell him, it is such a melting pot :
half pants,
full pants..
he adds and dhotis too!

While the women are dressed in sarees with running shoes, salwar kameez, track pants.

Of the variety of size, kyaa kehna. He justifies why food business is such a rage here. People don't think twice, they eat while they are thinking. And guilt about food is something to ponder later and of course an incentive to start on morning walks.

I know this post isn't as interesting as my daily visit to the garden is. The in between statues of different men who were conferred Knighthood during the English Regime, the stray dogs, few ducks, the sparkling water in the pond, the lover duos scattered here and there, the lined cars, the Rs 4 blue ticket, the pigeons, the horses outside the gate, men playing volleyball across the garden.

It is a stimulating scene. It is like a start of the day. So much of acitivity. And sweat, I realise this as I pat my face dry with my towel during my run.

In search of truth

In search of truth :

There it lies,
naked and bare
for the fear of profanity
they merely call it unclothed.

There it lies,
bitter and distasteful
for the fear of truth
they call it news!

The devil and the poet

The Devil and I

I see the devil lurking
I see it eye me
I ignore it
I close my eyes

The devil gets near
I feel my throat choke
I have no option but to fight
Yet, I prepare no defense

I must be convinced
That I want to live
That I deserve to be happy
That I can't let this devil grip me

I am lucky
That I am not in its clutches
That I am still free and thinking
That I might want to defeat this devil...

Tring Tring

I called up an old friend today. Just like that. Or to say a quick hi. To ask when is the wedding and more. Hmm, given the number of questions I shot, the other fellow must have thought of me as an aspiring Derek O Brien. I on the other hand thought of myself in less endearing position, of a businessperson doing 'takada' (getting a brief or report)!

Well, let me not get into the Business World (of which I know a wee bit), but lets get into the social circle that I am comfortable with. Like talking to an old friend, or writing a long mail. These days, I realize I do not like to write long mails. No wonder I am still to write to Zanie's 'kyaa haal hey' (how you doing?) mail. My mails have never been too short or concise. But these days they are. One of the most important reason is I have to write something exciting, something you will read and at least smile, a little humor infused here and there, some news that will make you jump etc etc. Etcetra etcetra (is the spelling correct!!)

So, I was hoping to apply for jobs to few places, so that there will something I can write about. What's there to write about having watched, the replica of Hitch, 'Partner' or Cash ... hmm.. I wonder why but I like watching commercials better these days. Is it the short span of attention that I am bestowed with which is in tandem with the commercials or is it the quirky tune of, 'jo khaya to mania hoi gava' of Maggi fame.

Okay, I can write about a book that I am reading. "It happened in India". Well there are more books piled up. Time on my hand. Hmm.. 'time on my hand' that reminds me of a sound track ...'i got time on my hand, you on my mind and nothing to lose'. Hmm... there was some song playing in the caller tune when I had dialled this friend of mine this morning. Sorry, can't remember that.

Okay, so this post was supposed to be about phone calls we make. I thought like short mails, I am more into short conversations. Yet I talk at lengths, though I now appreciate shorter conversations. Its basically, lets get to the point. In spite of this mind set, like today, for no reasons, I pick up the phone and dial. Hmm interesting... sometimes we can get out of this ' no nonsense mode' to the normal 'wierd mode'. What a paradox?

When was it that you called up an old friend just like that. To update each other. To laugh over the days together.

How we will all get busy. Some times busy doing nothing (and merely blogging as JB would point out, in case he is reading my blogs still).

Now though friendship day is over...here is a message to a friend of mine:
'Toast to the days of 4842, and take heart I have progressed to enjoying the humor of Saki!'
(will I be gifted some good book when I see you this time??? ;) :P)

Ok, Taureans are materialistic. I agree. Who won't if you are at the recieving end, albeit when the end is followed by gifts :)

More later...

till then,
:-) keep that jump in your voice alive!!

Flower

Poetry again folks. Well don't blame me, it's your 'wah wahs' that has led me to try my hand at it once more.

Flower

I hold you in my hand
You silently behold me
I accuse you of your beauty, of your innocence of your silence
You smile, you hide your pain and wilt a little

I notice in a little while
That perhaps I have not loved you enough
So I cause you such agony
In such thoughts I embrace you fiercly

You still do not speak
But the your teary dews wet my cheek
Oh! Flower tell me, ifyour delicate heart bleeds
Whilst I press you on to my bossom?

Candle

Poetry for a change! Wish I knew some Urdu, to pen few stray thoughts that come in idle hours. Do leave your wah wah any case!

Candle
I try and build a huge wall
To keep the winds away
Lest they touch my soul
And the flame will dance and sway

When in the confines of such solitude
Who am I to blame
When it is my own breath
That flickers the flame