To mush and love, again :) - Introducing Sreelekha in R&Y series

The book lay on my bed. While I flipped through it, I noticed most of the characters were people I was not supposed to meet in the regular course of life. I had knocked the doors of strangers and made friends out of them. Yatharth was one such person who I had met ten years ago.

I was an energetic teenager, who viewed life with rose tinted glasses. I loved to read poetry and write sad love stories. However, it was wit, humour and sarcasm that I enjoyed reading. I had noticed two colunmists who wrote for the 'Jagriti' (the daily English Paper). I used to supply Jagriti with love stories which they published on Sunday supplement. One day, when I had gone to Jagriti's office to collect my remuneration, out of no where I asked the receptionist if I could meet either of the two writers. That was how I met Yatharth. We sat down in the cafeteria and he ordered coffee for me. I felt like a writer in the offing, already being interviewed by celebrated columnists. He gave me his card when I got up to leave. I had wondered if it would be correct to offer to pay for the coffee. Then I decided it was unlady like. I left him with a smile. It was the beginning of many such meetings. I was like the Kareena Kapoor in Ek Mei aur ek tu, who was just out of one relationship and did not want another relationship, but she wanted a friend. It's a typical immature girl syndrome where a girl         wants to be just FRIENDS with a guy. If I had had read Chetan Bhagat's Two States then ( which I couldn't have since he hadn't written it at that point of time) I could have dispensed my idea of a boy becoming a best friend to a girl. But as luck would have it, it was not Bhagat but Kuch Kuch Hota hai, that was doing rounds at that time. And it was fashionable to have platonic relationship. Yes, your friend was allowed to have a crush on you, and you were allowed to enjoy the special attention he would shower till you kept reminding him that of course we are just friends!

I did not realize when Yatharth fell in love with me. But I knew from the beginning that I was a special friend. I liked being his special friend. But love happened. And unfortunately I was not in love. Although I admit I deeply cared for Yatharth. Our friendship kind of survived his going down on his knees but it got a little complicated and we finally had to accept that we had to move on.

Randomly picking up threads from Reena's diary

"Lonely, Mr. Lonely"... the song got stuck in her mind. It was a pleasant walk in the evening and she kept humming to herself. Walking alone, isn't bad afterall, she thought. Why are we so put off by being with our own selves. Why do we need someone at all? Can't we be our own best friends? A train of such thoughts ran through her mind. 

She had come to think of Kolkata, as her own city now. But how limited view she took of her own city. It was true that she could mentally map few locations and knew how to plan her route considering the city changed its traffic after one in the afternoon. But living in Kolkata, without Yatharth was a little like a monologue. For her all the days of the week were same. Even the change in the calendar's page was not noticeable. It did not matter really, perhaps. Life was like one song put on a repeat loop. It kept playing and playing and she wouldn't realize.

Like a scar perhaps. He had stayed on her mind. A scar of a wound that has healed a long back. That doesn't bring back the pain, but exists as a gentle reminder that it's afterall a part of you. She wondered if he thought of her at all. And if he did, what was it? She could never be in his shoes. No one can be in someone else's shoes... It is futile to attempt it.

After a long time, Reena was thinking about herself. She had lost her wajood somewhere. Or simply forgot where she had last seen it. Wajood, an Urdu word, can loosely be translated as existence. She still loved the way Urdu rolled on her tongue. What else did she still love? Walks ... The weather of Kolkata gave her a splendid opportunity to take a beginning  February walks. But where is the space to walk. The pavements if at all there are, are either dug up or taken up by makeshift homes or chai wallas. 

She would reach home after the next turn. Home? A place, where there is no loneliness. She probably found it silly to admit even to herself, but she missed Yatharth badly...

Cya soon Yath :)

The empty pram

She hugged him at the airport. He had walked up to her smiling. For a second both of them waited in a clumsy silence and then she threw her arms around him and hugged him.

Reena woke up from her dream with a smile. She checked her mobile to get the time. It was already past eleven and there was still no sign of Yatharth. She got up and dialled his number thinking perhaps he had got down the plane by now. Yatharth picked up and said, 'I am getting into the cab, I will be home.'

Home! Reena looked around the empty house. Was this home, she wondered as she observed her own shadow in dim light. She dismissed such depressing thoughts. She had work to do, heat dinner in microwave, lay down the table and yes re do her hair.

While doing her hair she looked into the mirror. She was not very tall, but standing at 158cm, she looked quite short to the six footer frame of Yatharth. She wished she were taller and prettier. When keeping back the comb in the drawer her fingers rubbed against a shiny cylindrical metal. It was a lipstick case. Someone had made it for her. It was one remebrance that she had allowed herself to carry over from her college days. She opened the case and took the lipstick out. She looked back at her pout in the mirror and smiled with satisfaction.

Just then the bell rang. She hurried to the door. Yatharth stood there a little tired. He bent down to kiss her freshly painted lips. 'Oh, but I have smudged you, Reena squealed like a child. Suddenly the dimly lit house had transformed into warm and bright home.

They sat down for dinner. Reena kept twittering about who all had called while he was away, about her friends who had volunteered to stay with her if she felt frightened to be home alone at night, and that she had been good and had not skipped lunch too many times!

Yatharth smiled, he took his wife in his arms and took her to bed. You must sleep, you look tired he said. Had he noticed something, Reena's heart beat quickened. She had not yet told him about her secret, about their secret. But he was already tucking her in bed. Office time tomorrow honey, he said and switched off the light.

Next morning, Reena woke up with a start. She fixed Yatharth's breakfast and tiffin as usual. She was just a bit preoccupied. Yatharth was in a morning rush to notice it perhaps. Was it just ordinary or did it signify something Reena wondered later in the bathtub. She had seen an empty pram in her dream.

Yatharth comes home

It is amazing how a single day can sometime stretch into innumerable days, Reena sighed. Yatharth was coming home today. Two flight changes and then a train back home, it would be late, he had told her. She had smiled and told him she would wait.

After weeks, there would be a proper dinner , she thought and busied herself deciding the menu. Besan kee roti like Amma made was Yatharth's favorite. She would crumble the roti with her hand and add ghee then mix it with curry and yogurt and then give it to Yatharth. This was exactly how she had seen Amma serve roti to all of them. Papa would top it with lot of onions and Amma would make a face, now you will have onion on your breath whole day. Reena shook herself out of the reverie. It was easy to take a journey back into the past when one had so much of time in hand. Time that she needed to kill!

She dragged herself from early morning till the afternoon. Switching the tv on and then switching it off. Listening to Pink Floyd and then turning to Bryan Adams. She had never missed home like she did today. From a fiery, hyperactive Reena she had mellowed down to a soft spoken and gentle Reena. Perhaps that was the outcome of keeping quiet for days.

Reena was still living her life in the hulla baloo of Kolkata. She had yet to immigrate in totality to this foreign land of lakeside and hills. Switzerland the dream destination was still dream like and not reality. Her mind still wandered to the puchka wallahs and moori wallahs back home. The building where she had lived with her parents had several people living in them. In their 7 storyed building here, Reena thought it was only she who had an apartment. She never saw a soul wandering in the corridor. THe doors were all shut, and she had to resist the urge to ring the door bell of the apartment opposite to her. Dropping in for a chat, to get to know your neighbors , was probably not acceptable here, this Reena had realized early on.

Then she had taken to herself. Her life centered about Yatharth when he was home. ANd when he wasn't her life was thrown off the orbit. It was true she tried hard to discipline herself. She kept her house clean and cooked good dinner. But if Yatharth was not coming home, she did not care to make the bed, cooked once a day, ate leftovers withour reheating them, had cereals for breakfast, lunch and even dinner.

But life had changed had it not. She had found a new path to orbit. Swapnil had tiptoed with too much of hope. Hope for days filled with storytimes, talk times, feeding the baby. She was so thrilled these days that she cooked meals in time. Ate a hearty breakfast and gave up coffee for milk.

She looked at the watch, it was just lunch time. Solitary luncheon, she murmured. But they will all be together in dinner time she told Swapnil, when she retired after lunch for a little nap.

In her dreams, she saw Yatharth smiling on the door. She saw Amma holding Swapnil...

Bang! the coconut

Reena hated to call up Yatharth while he was in office. Somewhere, she had drawn a boundary between work and home. For Reena it was like, she were at office. But today she decided it was best to call him up. Yatharth would return the next week from his UK trip. And Amma's growing concern for have you been eating right, and 'coconut nahi khaya beta' had consequently filled the fridge with skimmed milk, flavored yogurts, strawberries, kiwis, oranges and a coconut.

She wondered how to break this one open. She took the wine opener and dug the needle into one of the three eyes of the nut. Hard nut to crack! But after some minutes of patience and perspiration she was successful. Coconut water sprouted, and she drained it in a glass. It was nothing like the dhaab water, that she had been raised upon back home in Calcutta (now Kolkata). But it would do and she gulped down the semi transparent liquid in one breath.

Later when she went to an Indian shop which sold, 'garam masala' and 'papad' she asked the lady behind the counter if she could break the coconut. Reena offered to come another day to collect the nut! The lady behind the counter must have considered a real nut. She came outside and hit the coconut on a pole. Bang! and it broke into two. Reena was happy like a child. Even bought some masalas she did not need. With her bag filled with basmati rice, toor daal, sambhar masala and dhaniya powder, she perched the coconut on top.

Like when you start a new venture, be it marriage or an inauguration of a new shop, or birth, she had always seen her father break the coconut before the deity. Today it felt auspicious somehow, when the coconut broke into two on the pole outside the shop.

She wanted to narrate the whole nutty affair to Yatharth. Sometimes it is so hard to contain few things to yourself. You just need to talk in one breath, and then laugh or giggle. These were few things that Reena had come to value. It was rare for her to talk to someone in her own tongue. She dialled Yatharth.

'Sweets!"

'Yes, everything is fine?' Her phone calls in office were out of ordinary.

'yeps, I just bought a coconut, and used the wine opener and drained its water, and took it to the Indian shop and the lady....

'Honey, I am in a meeting right now. We will talk later ok? I will call you once I reach the hotel."

Reena hung up. And felt silly. What was there to tell him really, a coconut... how she had managed to break it. And that she was still wondering how to scrape the white flesh out of it. Was just all this that defined her life, frozen peas and coconuts! Her eyes began to sting as tears welled up.

She curled up in sofa like a little kid. And then few minutes later she was crying and home sick.

Amma Calls

Amma has this strange habit of speaking so loud when it is a long distance call, Reena recalled. When she was a kid, she wondered why Amma would repeat, hello hello hello whenever she was talking to their relatives living in America. Amma would often pepper her Hindi with few words of English thrown in here and there. She would say, "aur weather kaisa hey?" "bachho kee education kaisee chal rahi hey?", stressing on 'weather' and 'education' while inquiring about both.

Amma still has this habit, Reena smiled as she heard Amma say Hello Hello Hello, in one breath when she picked up the phone. "Yes Amma", she chimed. And Amma asked her about the weather, and she asked after Yatharth. " He should not go out for that long", she complained to Reena. " It is okay Amma, I don't feel lonely, really." " Sacchi (Honestly) ? But you never would eat your meals alone, without someone by your side.... "I switch the TV on Amma, and it is like a room filled with people" And Amma laughed.

"Aur bolo (tell me what's new)". Reena wondered had Amma already guessed, there was something new after all. New beyond the high rises, beyond the places she had visited, the malls, the currency exchange and how costly even dhaniya patti (corriander) leaves were.

"Amma", we are going to be a family soon. And then she burst into tears. "Reena, beta (child) arrey yeh toh wonderful news hey (this is a wonderful news), she said stressing on wonderful.

Reena laughed, her mom had picked another new word of English. Then Amma was all over giving her advices, telling her that she will come over after a few months. Till then Reena was to eat well. Healthy food. No more pizza, or the baby will stick in your tummy with all that cheese and refuse to buzz when it is time, she jested. And beta, have lots of white food, and you will have a gora gora chora ( fair son). Hmmm, why not gori gori chori (fair daughter??), Reena grumbled.

But Amma was not listening, she was listing out food items Reena should eat " teen baar doodh, skip nahi karna beta" ( milk thrice a day, and don't skip it child), and eat chhena (cottage cheese made out of fresh milk at home by adding lemon juice to hot milk and straining the curdled mass), and lot of yogurt and chitki (coconut). If you have the white part of the coconut, you will have a fair child, that's what they say, Amma sighed. Reena was not very fair, and Amma always blamed herself for not eating white things when she was carrying Reena.

Yes Amma will do, Reena said. And then in a while she hung up. There was a list to make while going for grocery today. She took out her pad from the drawer beneath the telephone table and jotted down..

coconut
milk
yogurt (nature)
milk chococate
...
...

Reena Speaks!

Mornings are meant to be lazy. The early sun rays playfully disrupted Reena's sleep. She woke up. Hmm.. it's Friday today!!

She was now sharing a life with Yathartha. The days he went to work, were like days she went to work... and his Friday was like her Friday, what a thought , she exclaimed.

Yathartha was so true to his name. He was real, he was reality. He was no dream she was chasing in idle hours. He was no knight in white horse, he was who he was and she knew he loved her.

She rushed through the morning chores, went in kitchen and fixed his breakfast!! Ah, she forgot to peel almonds today, she realized after he had gone to work. It hadn't been a great start, she realized, she had broken one plate today. The smashed pieces were still lying on the kitchen floor. The clothes out from the dryer were still unfolded, the bed undone, the dishes of morning breakfast still dirty in the sink. She wasn't the Reena she thought she was. She would become soon though, after an hour or two. A few hours of her own, when she could be just her, with no responsibilities, when she could sit down and watch a movie that Yathartha wouldn't anycase, paint a picture, think about little children, and think about what she really wanted from life...

It was time for breakfast, she got up from her contemplative mood. Slowly she went about cleaning her house. Before evening, both she and the house would look welcoming. They had to! Because then he would come home.

She had pinned the poem she had written yesterday with a magnet on the fridge, this morning. I have read this before, Yathartha said. Yeah, it is similar, or well similarly written... in the same pattern... But that was not for you.. this one is...

Yathartha read the poem again..

The door bell rings..
I run and comb my hair
He's home now
After a day's work
I wonder how to please him


The kettle waits to sing tea time
I forget he doesnt like 'chai'
He holds me strongly in his arms
Lemme go, I will get something to eat

In kitchen
I lovingly cook
He eats with joy
No words are exchanged

Hmmm?? did you say anything!
nah.. it is good

what is?
everything

and he closes his eyes

ah...dont do that
why?
cause then it will spill out
what?
love!
love that you have gathered all in your eyes

Yathartha smiles and takes her in his arms . Ouch! you are squeezing me... And then they both remember, it isn't weekend yet. And they both rush, the plate gets broken, both are slightly angry... but then that's why goodbye kisses are meant to be! And the magic of the kiss lasts the day long!!!

Yatharth, the hero

She kissed him on his lips, said goodbye and closed the door. Her day now began all over again after the early morning. There was no need to hurry about anything. She could have her breakfast now, an hour later or altogether skip it if she wanted.

Yatharth smiled as he pictured Reena and her day. He started the car and another day had begun for him.

He told himself that he would give himself a good hearing this weekend or the next definitely. He knew he was still unsettled, the idea of climbing mountains and diving in the lake seemed quite heroic at that moment. But how feasible was it, he chuckled. He could not share these whims with anyone. They would all tell him he was insane. What else does a man need to be happy!

'jaane kyaa chaahey man baawara, aakhiyan mere sawan chala", he stopped the song playing in the cd player of his car. What was it? Why did he feel he was stuck. Like life suddenly was thrown out of gear. There was a new vista that he had now. But perhaps he was such who could not enjoy happiness. He felt a sudden urge to strike his head on the steering wheel. The urge passed. He had reached his office.

With the mundane work, the cappucino and his dozing colleague on the chair next to him, he continued through the day.

It was during the evening before he left his desk, that he had time to think again about himself. Perhaps he was not as strong as he thought he were, perhaps he was not a hero that he thought himself to be, perhaps he excelled in tough situations like in past. He shook his head at such depressing thoughts.

Suddenly he thought... what if he fell in love all over again! A passionate love affair, may be with Picasso's paintings or with gardening or with his wife Reema. Yatharth, stopped his ride through imagination and walked up to his car. The day was done!