Drowning ...

Before I close my eyes
And let the waves suck me in,
I wish to feel the same warmth
I wish to feel the heat of love.

The waiter hands me another Margarita,
I wonder if it is I who washes it down my throat
Or is it you who pull the strings
And wash away my poise

I am lost or I have lost
I am not me anymore
I look into the mirror
The hair dresser tells me that the new look is killing.
I wonder if she actually knows that I have been dead for a long while.

I stir in my sleep,
You hold me tenderly,
Pull my cheeks into a smile...
and hands over my shoulder..
Is it only in my dreams that I embrace you??

I wake up with dark circles under my eyes
Was it the drink, I wonder..
When you pull me close
"Your kohl has smudged" you say.

No more of your games
No more empty gazes driving through the wall
No more trying to make sense out of this wordy world
It is just me who is bobbing her head ...

Have I drowned... or am I drowning
I wonder , as I order yet another drink.

Could this become a song...?

Live this moment / As long as it lasts

Don't try to clutch me in your dainty little fists
For I am time and I flow like water

Don't fret about what tomorrow holds
For today you are holding his hand

Don't ask me for promises that end with 'forever'
A moment of togetherness is all I can offer

Don't be alarmed if your heart bleeds
For that is the proof that is not made of rock

Don't pin me foolishly to your bosom
It is just tonight that I can bring love to you


I am just a moment, I will thence pass
So, live it as long as it lasts...

Vidwata

Khwab aur Saagar

hmmm poetry after long is it? Okay, I know it is a post after a little too long.

A year has gone, you will say.. but let me make amends...

There was something i was thinking of this morning.... thoughts had come in Hindi, I will write it that way (but not in devnagri) and translate it to English

Saagar key they tum,
Sagar mey mil gaye,
yu hee bas anjuli baar baar dooboti rahi
yu hee bas tumhey dhoondti rahi apne khwabo mey
-----

You belong to the ocean, you have gone back there,
I just kept on trying to fish you out of the water
between my palms that I so many times dipped in

You belong to my dreams, and I am used to looking for you there!

----

Hmm, what day you say dude? Well, do you sometimes miss some one like this. Someone who was never yours, never belonged to you. Someone who is just a dream, or an illusion.

In search of truth

In search of truth :

There it lies,
naked and bare
for the fear of profanity
they merely call it unclothed.

There it lies,
bitter and distasteful
for the fear of truth
they call it news!

The devil and the poet

The Devil and I

I see the devil lurking
I see it eye me
I ignore it
I close my eyes

The devil gets near
I feel my throat choke
I have no option but to fight
Yet, I prepare no defense

I must be convinced
That I want to live
That I deserve to be happy
That I can't let this devil grip me

I am lucky
That I am not in its clutches
That I am still free and thinking
That I might want to defeat this devil...

Flower

Poetry again folks. Well don't blame me, it's your 'wah wahs' that has led me to try my hand at it once more.

Flower

I hold you in my hand
You silently behold me
I accuse you of your beauty, of your innocence of your silence
You smile, you hide your pain and wilt a little

I notice in a little while
That perhaps I have not loved you enough
So I cause you such agony
In such thoughts I embrace you fiercly

You still do not speak
But the your teary dews wet my cheek
Oh! Flower tell me, ifyour delicate heart bleeds
Whilst I press you on to my bossom?

Candle

Poetry for a change! Wish I knew some Urdu, to pen few stray thoughts that come in idle hours. Do leave your wah wah any case!

Candle
I try and build a huge wall
To keep the winds away
Lest they touch my soul
And the flame will dance and sway

When in the confines of such solitude
Who am I to blame
When it is my own breath
That flickers the flame

Idle thoughts in an idle hour

I have been too busy poring into the screen of my laptop. I get up tidy the house a bit. It is strange to think now, that I am saying tidy the 'house'. Strange because tidy had always followed my room. Hmm, now I have a house! Well, lest I digress let me continute to what my sight met. Clean clothes hanging on a line in the basement. I collect them and bring them up. I fold them into neat stacks and arrange them in the wardrobe. Then I switch the tv on, there is a tennis match going on. I pay little attention to it. Suddenly I look out and I freeze the scene in my memory. A moment later I get my cam and click. The clouds by now have engulfed the top of the mounts in their thick white blanket.

There is so much that nature has given. And so much that man has accomplished. The background sound of birds chirping interspersed with the sound coming from speeding automobiles, is one such combi of nature with man! I look out at the green mounts, the lake in a distance and wonder , poets must have come from this place.

In such an idle hour I try to pen something:

The white blanket of clouds
The white ducks paddling in the lake
The white lillies tucked on the pathway
I wonder how this color holds the rainbow in itself!

Meanwhile... (not the continuation of story)

It is gentle breeze, that takes adrift my heart. Outside under the starlit sky, I pull a chair and stare at far away lights. Like someone once told me, this is that time, when I fly beyond the mounts flickering with lights, beyond the lake which ruffles with few strong waves, I fly beyond myself.

It is strange that I should take this flight. Where do I reach. To you, who do not exist. Why did I ever conjure you, ever thought you could by chance be alive, be true? I wonder if you were, what would you be, how would you look like.

The stillness of night, punctuated by the sounds of cars racing in periodic interval has cast its silence on me. The prattle dies, the eyes do not blink and I continue to stare at the lamp post in the foyeur.

I learn, not to complain, not to worry that I am here without you. I learn I am destined to wait. Not because you will not come. But because this is how it is to be. This is how we can be together, this is how we can belong, this is how we connect.

Now, for the sake of you, do I tell the world who you are. Or like you want, I return to my world without any crease on my forehead..

I will try to find whats 'within' some other time. Will try to understand 'self' some other time. Will reflect on 'spirit' some other time. For now I am glad I am aware, that I am.