Reena and Yatharth

Hi Reena and Yatharth,

How are you guys doing? Sorry, I haven't called upon for a fairly long time. In fact, I read a comment an anonymous reader left long long ago on my blog today which reminded me of you both. The comment said, I should write your story and not leave it at the empty pram... I really wonder where we left each other... that story which had begun in the Alps in the winter of 2007... ahem... should I dig you back...

are you worth it Reena? I hate the name... it is too simple... Look at Yatharth.. it might be a mouthful but it has weight! Why do I hate the simplicity....is it because it makes it so accessible...so easy for anyone to have a name... anyone could be Reena...but not everyone could be Yatharth... and well you guys marry each other... bravo... good combi i should say....

Hmm... whats your background story like Reena...and Yatharth... Yatharth could hardly ever have a pet name...or perhaps he did...what would I call you ... Yath??  :)

I am a jobless dreamer... who's even stopped dreaming.... but I still remind myself of the novel I will write... let me simplify my target.... collection of short stories ....that sounds better.

One will be on Annie... John Denver's Annie as entropicbeauty (another blogger) commented on one of my posts... (which too I happened to read tonight)... I wonder why I have more anonymous comments than known ones...when I write for a very select audience... who reads vid really? You, do? let me know... will boost my writerly ego :)

Chalo... I will have to go back and read my own posts on Reena and Yath to go back to writing about them next.... I must finally become wiser and learn to drive well... (dad's sold the 4842 though!)

chal Yath.... will see you again... and I really am liking your short name... Yath...

Yeah!

Down the memory lane

How soon things become memory... I wonder if this night will also come back to me as a memory one day. With Zubin Mehta in the background, my little one asleep and my thoughts reaching out to those days spent in Kathmandu during my post graduation... That was essentially the time when I began to grow up :) I loved my college KUSOM ( Kathmandu University School of Management). It was a lot better than the Engineering school I went to :) ...In many terms... like say we had seasoned professors here versus newbie teaching assistants in Engineering school, we had a campus that was walkable versus huge (but very beautiful) campus in Dhulikhel... and of course I made some real great chums at KUSOM... and yes dad had given me his car too!

I remember taking a car trip to Godavari... a very unplanned trip... I dont remember why we took that trip at all... I think we were going back home after a class got cancelled or something. And  I was driving... Annie must have said something like... Vid..Godavari joom! And zoom... i turned the car around (a u turn) and we went... Yes, it seems a very far away place now... i dont know if i will ever climb a hill (did that qualify as a hill at Godavari)...and lying down on the grass after the hike... looking at the sky...and wondering about the future perhaps...and now those memories come back as past...


I am no longer the same ME...no one is...we keep growing ...we keep evolving... But I still am ME. just a newer verison with better apps :) ... No more about tequila shots but someone who can enjoy her horlicks and even green tea... anyways i never got high on tequilas :)

Thamel...comes to me as an evening song... I remember the walk we took... Annie, Shalin and me... strange..I remember it. I remember so many restaurants... I remember Java... i had forgotton it almost.. have to dig memories... .. coffee... shish :) the hero of my talks... and how much i was in love with this dude..and Magic Beans...the cafe we thought we'd open some day... I love the cafes I went to in Europe... I remember a cafe in Paris... its right there on the street... and we sat there... Linus and I...enjoying the nip in the air... watching people go by... me watching him sip his drink... so much in love with Paris and so much in love with Linus.... an evening in Paris... see from Thamel I have reached Paris... :P

Thamel is a lot about shopping silver artifacts.. wonder if Annie still wears those jewellery she was so fond of... Annie also seems to be faraway... Its not sad anymore, you know the fact that i realize we WERE friends... and that we arent anymore... its probably because we all get on with life... probably i will think of u annie when M grows up and asks me about my friends... :) shopping together...looking for BLUE colored clothes...and guess what I hate blue now :P  i think it doesnt go with my personality...

i would like to visit thamel again.. I have each time I come to Kathmandu... Its a great great place... The lit up gullis... walking in a wintry evening... hands in yr pockets... and that sandwich eatery that sold beer for girls .... with very less alcohol LOL.... what was it called...we said it was a marketing mistake...beer with less alchohol... did that product survive...? it would be such a shame to drink something less than a beer in those bottle...that was perhaps the arguments we came up with... better have a soft drink than have a poser drink :)... we were all marketers... looking out for customer satisfaction, branding...

It was good... it was lovely.... I wish life is like one of those gullis in Thamel...romantic... mysterious...and so tempting ...

the Past that won't go Past

It has come back
and it clogs my mind
it haunts my soul...
and HE tells me, let go!

I have shut my eyes
I thought that would help me erase
But it stays put, waiting for me to open my eyes
and HE tells me, let go!

I forget...
It is nice this ways..
I forget moments
I forget the Past...
but I haven't been able to let go

When I remember it again
It comes back like an eager child
Climbs and clings
and refuses to go...

I try to pretend
It never happened
I never was there
I was born today, I baby myself...

I know I have stopped turning to HIM
but HE gently reminds he is there to take care
If I can't let go today, I will be able to tomorrow...
And I fall asleep...

No comments!

well... sometimes we got to deal with what we've got!

Like...

* The space bar being pulled out by your little one and you fix it and deal with a hard to press space bar:P

* Friends like Annie who never call..

* Friends like Sri who never call either

* Knots

* No comments on your posts..

* No Great Ideas to write a post..

* No friends for a coffee gup!

* Wet pants of your baby...

* Going to a party the same evening when he's left  , sigh*

* extended family.... my MIL says one thing on extended family...one son and as many daughters is a boon than vice versa...even in a SONcentric society that we still live in..

and  some poetry..


Midnight and you.. 


it was by and by that the night grew
it was by and by that love grew
it was by and by 


Now that i know that i am in love
Now that i feel you when you take me in your arms
I wonder which story did you come from
one of those that i wrote in pensiveness


Why did i not know you
why did i have to seek you
but i did and we met
and jab we met...
by and by it happened


by and by the night grew
by and by our love grew
by and by i was yours
by and by we were us


Good night Sweetheart...

Ask!

Am teaching my little one to ask!

• Ask for water when you want 
• Ask for food when you are hungry
• Ask for lullaby when you are sleepy

She asks...

Now for my readers..

• Ask for the kind of writer up or a write up at all you want to read :)
• Ask=comment 

Moment

When  I smile at you,
I want you to smile back.

Am I am asking for too much, love.

When I look into your eyes
I want you to look into mine

Like you do.

But when I fall in love
What do I want?

Not you. Not really.
I want one moment,

when you will know in your heart... that you love me too!

Smileys...

A Rain dance in the shower...

He is coming tomorrow..

And ... the poem on tea pot :)

Not the one where I forget sugar


But the one with a handle and a spout...

Motherhood :) and nursery rhymes

Reminiscing adolescence...

Maturity comes with maternity :))

Like wine...the older the better..

Feminine yet haughty

Sombre yet naughty

Moods :)) nah.... Muses :))

You get me...

You can't

You said..you don't know me :)

Lost Keys

I lose my keys so often. Or rather the keys misplace themselves. Well there are four keys bunched together so that I can find them all together. But the fact is, I never find them when I want to. Whats the use of the keys if I find them when I do not want them and do not find them when I want them. I wonder where my keys hide when I go looking hard for them. So often I have marked a place for them to be put. And these naughty keys they run away the moment I turn my back on them. This leaves me aghast, as I pull all my drawers, comb through each items and sigh! But I manage to find them at last. Sometimes, they have managed to hide in the Bathroom. Cheekily perched on the hook where I hang my clothes. Sometimes, they are snoring quietly in the same drawer I have had checked thrice only to be found on the fourth attempt.

Linus has also had to pitch in at times for the key hunt. This is the only couple game where he can do wonderfully well. He always manages to find them for me. Well, almost always. He finds my spects for me, when they follow the keys and lose themselves midway. And how on earth am I supposed to look for my spects without them sitting on my nose. And when Linus is not with me, as is the case now... I quietly pop in my pair of contact lenses. This makes me think, could I own contact keys. I do not know what they are like, but some day someone could invent them. :)

Well, often I have thought if keys were like cell phones. Then you could call your number and it would ring and you could run across and find them. You got it right, I lose my mobile too. But mobiles are smart guys, they find  me... They ring out and clammer for attention.

Okay, I dont have good rapport with my keys, or my spects (which I urgently need to replace with a new pair) and well my cell phone (which happens to be a newbie :) ) but well I keep looking after them...err.. looking for them.

Sigh**

Wish I could go hide myself and then see how my bunch of keys would fare looking for me.

Helter and skelter,
cling cling
where is vid
that's the thing

you go right
left I will go
but we are a bunch
together we have to stay so

cling clang
go find her
ask her mobile
did u see vid, sir??


....

(PS: this is the state of mind post the Looking Glass ... lovely book )

aajaaa

She is getting bigger and bigger every single day... It is such a lovely transition from being a baby to toddling her way on shaky legs...

Last night she threw her arms out and said aajaa... I fell in love with her... Oh ..this is love! being a parent is so so so fulfilling, so enriching..

(it is also tiring and maddening at times.. (read many a times ;) )

love u baby...

mum

Sweet Love

The most precious moment of my life...

Pari is almost about to sleep. I am lying beside her. She opens her eyes, I pretend to sleep. She throws her arms around me, nestles near my bosom and falls asleep.

Thank you my child for loving me. For making me feel so so so special.

Love you darling,

Mommy

Vacant chair

Years ago I wrote a story about vacant chair... It was about a sleeping babe, a vacant chair and a waiting lover...

Today there is a vacant chair in my room. My babe is asleep just as I had written in my story... There is Pari sleeping... Ditto.

And in my story my beloved was away... And well he is..

My story looks so real today... I wish I knew Linus then... I wish I loved him then... I wish I met him earlier... I wish ...

Zindagi...

Kitni badal jaati hai zindagi..

kal wakta kuch aur tha...aaj kuch aur hain.

Kal koi aur hee shayad thee main, aaj koi aur hoon

Tabhi kal kuch aur khayal thein...aaj kuch aur hain..

Kal tum na thein.... aaj tum ho... tumhare bina yeh raat tanha tanha hain..

Kal tak hum shayar na thein...

Par kal raha kahan hai....yaadein dhoomil ho jaati hai

Kuch kisse agar tum suna bhi do, toh lagega woh main nahi koi aur hee thee..

Shayad... esiliye aaj fir khood ko dhoondne lagi hoon...

Honeymoon again

Want a honeymoon again,
Want to lose myself in the gurgling ocean
Want to tickle myself with your thoughts
Want to see you in my dreams
Want to wrap you in invisible hugs
Want to get mushy
Want to hold hands and feel shy
Want to run away and get married...

Will you, darling?

(sorry for this late night public discourse.... Love ya Linus)

No mails...

Long long time ago, there was a mailbox that received interesting mails. Long mail, short mail but mails nonetheless. The owner of the mailbox would come shake the box and check its content every now and then. Once she had sent a mail, she would eagerly await its reply . Shuffling the box again and again (read refreshing her browser ;) ) she would wish the reply to finally arrive.

There were times when she would have to wait for a week or so before a quirky mail came. Most of the times, it would lift her spirits. It was fun. To write and to receive. She always loved this kind of communication. When she was in school, she made a few pen pals. One of her pen friend mentioned CDs in a letter, our dear writer was clueless as to what a capital C and a capital D together meant. Ah..the electronic age was yet to tap on the doors of the lovely valley. Till then it was lovey dovey valentine messages and poems that friends queued up to be written on their behalves. All the messages began with a To, you and ended with from me. This was an excellent form of anonymity. And our dear writer wondered if a career in Archies or Hallmark was in offing :P

Hand written letters gave way to emails. Her fingers were dexterous and not at all blind. They keyed (no more penning) expressive notes and clicked on the SEND button. A far away friend would log in and read these notes. Probably smile at her innocence and archive the mail for later reading and answering.

"My mailbox is experiencing a drought... I know why...because I send no mails anymore... " The writer had sighed recently. "I wish I had a mail", was her parting shot, before we both moved away to pick our coffee mugs and log into our respective FBs.

More on FB laterz...

May be you might like to send a mail to someone you haven't for a long time... For the surprise factor... May be I will send a few tonight!

Man, am I not happy!

Wow... I never knew comments would make my day. Probably it is the only kick to the writers or rather blog- writers (i like it better than blogger!!). How much we thrive on it.... this thing called feedback!

I read few posts that I had put up ages again. 2007, 2008 ... and comments on those articles that appeared much later...so much later that I had stopped visiting my own blog. You know when I make a post, I come back again and again hoping there is a comment. That somebody passed by, read, and smiled. That somebody thought ... wow, this was nice. I know I can write. I can. Oh, yes I can. But it helps when you read! :)

I want to be a writer. I perhaps forgot this. Now I know it again. Vid is born to write. There has to be a very readable piece. What will it be? Collection of short stories? Probably. I don't think I can yet write a novel! What will I write about? I tend to rely on my own experiences. Once a guy I knew had said- vid have a great life...something that could be made into a movie... ! Well, I could write a book!!!

So, how would it begin. Childhood memories... the school I went to ... the shabby toilets in the school... eeeks... My wish to change my school. Get into a better, respectable school.

Well... that sounds boring... where do we get from schooling... College! No college romance, dude!!

I could rather write about people... interesting people that I have met. Some at the airport, some on trains..some in family. People that I fell in love with , teachers that I looked upon , friends that were never friends, friends who became family, and family that never was a family.

Should I write about how I have come to love Linus. How it started and how it turned out to be. Oh, well no mush! :P

I could may be write about a girl who loved comments. Who loved to receive answers or rather long answers to her letters and subsequently emails.

I love it that M loves books. Its like I am this little baby and I have these wonderful books and the wonderful story teller. My story teller was my sister. She had wonderful stories for me. I wish I can give M a great story time. Stories for kids? Another JK Rowling in making!!!

Happy Commenting!

Finding my feet

It takes a while, but bit by bit we will find our feet!

Wow! Looks like Vid's first quote! Bravo...


M is learning to put one foot ahead and bring on the other one next. I am wondering what should I write today. We are both trying to find our feet. I have an email from a company that wants to sample my writing. 3 latest pieces, they are asking for. Since, I am not really keen on passing on my work that is more than 5 years old, I thought why not begin to write. And I have a blog. And I have few readers. And a follower: Susant ;). And annoy_nemous Annie :P (caught u, dint I).

Well well well... if I write a book... and I intend to... I will thank dad for dreaming it up for me... I am his JK Rowling, I will also thank Annie for being so interested in pushing me to write whenever she finds time to connect with me and of course LinuS for being who he is and letting me be who I am. It is an altogether different thing that I have changed quite a bit. Do people change really? I think I have matured in such a lovely manner- Mum of M, cooking albeit sometimes for LinuS and being content (huh?). This is going to be tested when I am with my siblings... Will we still fight? What do you think? :D

In some way I have made my life a doll's house. Doll's House is an intriguing play that I read few years ago. But it remains with me in bits and pieces. A woman has so many roles to play. Being married is one big transition from being yourself to being ? what? I don't know. But I think after sometime one finds her feet again. I know I like dolling myself up if that is what you will call it. But now I am quite sure of my choices... Psst... I still do not know how to put on a make up! :D

Hmm... we went for a morning walk today. I like being with LinuS. It was nice when he held my hand while crossing the road on the way to the park. Well, you are definitely no more in that heart fluttering phase but the touch brings on a big smile and a glow.

So, do not expect love stories. I know Milan and Annie will not stop thanking God for this :P. And no more past reminisces either of a romantic girl falling in love and getting over. But well can you really write without a love element, Vid?

(Post Script: LinuS pointed out that I have been mentioning him as S... I am your LinuS, he reminded cheekily. And I promptly made the changes... hence the capital S in LinuS. But I like this better now... !)

Momoir- Mother's Memoir

Rhymes and tickles, frolic and fun

I am a little tea pot

Short and stout

Here's my handle and here's my spout

When the water's boiling

Hear me Shout

Pick me up and pour me out

Isn't it lovely. I never thought I would look out for nursery rhymes, memorize them and then sing them over and over again. S admits I know far more rhymes than him. Well, I haven't heard him graduate beyond Twinkle Twinkle. M loves to hear Old Mc Donald, Twinkle Twinkle (and she will open up her palm and close it again to make the gesture of a twinkling star) and Baa baa black sheep. She has recently taken to Hindi rhymes too. We got a DVD of hindi rhymes so that her grandma could sing to her as well. Hmm, the whole house is now singing: Aaloo kachaloo bete kaha gaye the...baingan kee tokri mei so rahe the..!

I sometimes wonder if I am talking enough to her, am I reading enough to her. I worry in the back of my mind that we have not yet started story telling. All this is thanks to the parenting sites that I go through! Well, I realize we have given listening to flute a break. Hearing Hari Prasad Chourasia had become a regimen when M was colicy. Now, I think we have wider options to explore.

There is so much on my mind. From weaning to writing to giving her the mug to drink and making that album for her first birthday to buying new toys. I wish there were quite few new mums that I knew. So that we would have a Momz Gang. It's strange but it's true- when I called up S's cousin today, she told her hubby that M's mom is calling. From Vid to M's mom!

I signed up on twitter too today. Well, I did not get the user id i wanted...vidwata..neither did i get vid... I thought of alternatives. Sample this WithWater...and guess what already taken... The next on my mind was withWereWhat...and there I am ... Still trying to figure out how to tweet. I think I am better at telling stories than tweeting. If I could tweet I could even consider flash fiction next.

Anyways, another thing of paramount importance is getting back to writing. I want to start working from home. Something that involves writing. So, let me get back into my writer's chair and put on my creative hat. What do you wish to read next... a poem, a story or a discourse on how to raise a child!!

See you soon. And yes, your comment brings a smile! Thanks.

Night out

What does night out mean to a mum of a 9 month old. Yay yay yay M turns 9 months tomorrow. So, well let me celebrate a late night in front of my machine. You do need some quiet time and a quiet corner to do your writing. The sound of the whirring fan is my sole companion. I am just hoping this piece is not punctuated by M's cry. Babies are such a darling. But thats not all to them. Ah, I only wonder how my parents survived 3 kids.

With the 9th month M is getting into a schedule now. Or rather a better schedule. She has started getting up on time which means she sleeps quite early these days. Touch wood. And well, she has taken to solids too. Is it going to be a mum's rant, I wonder!

Well, well, well.... I have become a mum! Celebrations!!!!!!!!!! ha ha.. Being a parent means such loads of responsibility. For an infant you are her sole care taker. You teach her everything... and one day they grow up , just like you and me did.

Hmmm... why don't I write often. I wonder how many of you drop by. A few I know. A few I do not. S''s comment on takeaway was lovely. It is strange how I have come to love S sooo soo much. Well... let me stop poring my sugary romantic thoughts and come back to writing. Well, I recently dug out my copy of Kotler from the spare room. It was lying under the bed. Uncared, unsung and unhonoured. So here it is back on my desk. And we read about customization and customerization. And I smile. I am not the same ME that I was when I used to take that book to school. I do not have the same pals that I had. No more of the pathetic coffee and rounds of scrabble and going home late. But I am glad I have found myself again.

Thank you Philip Kotler (thats his name, na! )

Love u

Vid

Basket ball, shopping and eating out

Dribble, dribble and shoot

It was after ages or so it seemed, when I dribbled that ball. Voila! There it was , a basket. Running around with the ball was just too liberating. There were no more strings attached, if you understand what it means. It was like becoming Vid again. The only thing was I was too excited and wasted too much of energy rather than playing tactfully. I lost. But did I? I actually FOUND! I found Vid again :)

There is this guy called Jai (Joy in Bengali) who is the coach. He said I play extremely well, at least in comparision :P

Shopping and eating out

I went out shopping today. Alone! I pleaded with S to come along. Bribed him with a lunch at our favorite South Indian eatery. But he turned me down. Well, the dude was working from home. So there can be no far away lunches. So, I went on my on. I never knew Pantaloons housed infant section too. Now a mom of a Lil One, I climbed the stairs and checked out the infant section. After spending some good time I was ready with 4 dresses for P. Then I went down stairs and picked an offwhite Patiala and a royal blue Kurta for myself. Indulgence.... wait more is coming. Then I crossed the road and went to my favorite eatery and had Idli, vada and Dosa. Oh, Yes!!!! Saw 6 youngsters sitting on a table infront of mine. Was smiling... got reminded of my own college days and our hang outs ... Then I thought M would be one day a young girl and then it would be her and her friends ... And I sipped my filter coffee merrily... Missed S terribly...

Hmmm... Vid's day out... Loved it. I want to be me again. I want to be me again. I want to be me again.

Is this a paradox or a philosophy gone beserk?

Awaiting Patiently!

It's nice to know you came by. It's nice to know you will wait. It's nice to know you will wait with patience.

Well, I should reward you for your patience, shouldn't I? What should I tell you today Annie. Should I tell you that the first part of my book has come true, I have a daughter now. And yes, I am sure she will turn into a beauty. She will not be someone who will dance on the floor with sneakers. She will be a stilleto dudette. Well, it is up to her really. I am merely imagining. And well what does this imagination suggest, did I secretly want to dress the way I never dressed, and be the person I never was. Think about it, we never really are sure about who we are, yet we try to be someone else. Well, I wonder who I tried to be... or rather why I gave up ... (i chuckle).

There has been so much of overhaul in life in the last one year. A precious little popped out... and I went under the knife for once and all in my life.. Fretting each time you go to the pediatrician ... hoping your babe has gained enough weight, debating on breast or formula with concerned family members, learning how to give M a nice bath, worrying when M rejects solid food...

Oh... I have become a Mommy, haven't I?

I wonder if a man ever underwent so so so so so many emotional ups and downs like a woman does. Motherhood is so humbling...you realize what effort your parents have put in. Soiled nappies, scattered toys, the yelling at the middle of nights... and still M or any other baby remains apple of their parents eyes. The toothless grin is so amazing, so fulfilling, so gratifying. You thank GOD that there is this one creature who loves u the way you are... who loves to see your face when she wakes up... whose face lights up at your sight... And there are trying times when you wonder how did your parents ever raise three crazy kids...and M is only 8 months yet...

Well, I am sorry i got carried away Annie... But what else should i talk to u. Should i talk about aspirations that have been swept under the carpet. Well...did u see nobody killed Jessica... it is a great watch...but not something i would like to see at this stage... with little time that i have on hand i am up for good comedies...but anyways i got to watch this movie. i loved rani mukherjee out and out... i wish i were like her character.. err.. what was her name.. ha ha ha...

ya... everyone wants to be someone else... This is a neat, non confusing philosophical dose for your nocturnal visit.

see u around ..
much love,

uhi sathi

Restart

My machine is now 5 years old... It seems like honeymoon is over... may be not yet. S bought a brand new battery for our 5 yr old companion of HP descent. HP Pavilion dv 4000 has proudly sat on my desk till M came into our lives. Since then I folded it and put it away in a dark corner. But I guess it is time to restart!

So, I now have a cleaner machine (thanks to the guy who serviced my machine) and well it is again a pleasure to thumb my fingers through the keypad and generate some literary piece ;)

Hmm... lets go the list way...one of my old time favorites...

#1. Downloading microsoft security essential
#2. Listening flute... Niladri Kumar
#3. Going out for movie...Nobody killed Jessica...
#4. Want to write mails again
#5. Want to make a crazy set of pals again and laugh my head off...

Thats all for now....

With lots of musical notes

Vid

Peek a boo!

caught you, didn't I! Now, don't lie that you expected me around here. This corner has been neglected ...err deserted to be precise. I actually feel quite foreign around here! Anyways...the girl with too many exclamation marks is back here again... Now don't snigger on the 'girl' part!

So howz life been dude? Yeah, I know we are all growing up...but the best way to be a child again is to have one around you... And then you coo around the home...and sing song while you take the lil one out on a walk... from muttering to oneself on the street to singing rhymes....

She is sleeping now... I wonder if she dreams... What does she dream of... Mommy picking her up on her shoulders and playing 'chini kee bori!' or up in Pa's arms as he sprints through our little hall. Or may be Dadima showing her flowers...

My cousin had come over recently and she said she'd love to be M's age... M is so cool, she chirped. M is up... catch you again..

With love,

VidE