Yatharth, the hero

She kissed him on his lips, said goodbye and closed the door. Her day now began all over again after the early morning. There was no need to hurry about anything. She could have her breakfast now, an hour later or altogether skip it if she wanted.

Yatharth smiled as he pictured Reena and her day. He started the car and another day had begun for him.

He told himself that he would give himself a good hearing this weekend or the next definitely. He knew he was still unsettled, the idea of climbing mountains and diving in the lake seemed quite heroic at that moment. But how feasible was it, he chuckled. He could not share these whims with anyone. They would all tell him he was insane. What else does a man need to be happy!

'jaane kyaa chaahey man baawara, aakhiyan mere sawan chala", he stopped the song playing in the cd player of his car. What was it? Why did he feel he was stuck. Like life suddenly was thrown out of gear. There was a new vista that he had now. But perhaps he was such who could not enjoy happiness. He felt a sudden urge to strike his head on the steering wheel. The urge passed. He had reached his office.

With the mundane work, the cappucino and his dozing colleague on the chair next to him, he continued through the day.

It was during the evening before he left his desk, that he had time to think again about himself. Perhaps he was not as strong as he thought he were, perhaps he was not a hero that he thought himself to be, perhaps he excelled in tough situations like in past. He shook his head at such depressing thoughts.

Suddenly he thought... what if he fell in love all over again! A passionate love affair, may be with Picasso's paintings or with gardening or with his wife Reema. Yatharth, stopped his ride through imagination and walked up to his car. The day was done!

The night after...

He woke up. It was a beautiful morning. He stretched his arms and Reena rolled into them. He smiled tenderly. 'Go out for a jog', Reena said. She busied herself then in fixing breakfast and other mundane tasks.

He jogged for an hour by the lake. Looked at the snow capped mountains . Breathed in the crisp air. And then he realized what it was that he wanted. What was raw and what was deep. He wanted to scale the mountain. He wanted to dive in the water. He wanted challanges, he wanted to prove himself by overcoming them. What's there in complacency. It is no good to think that you have it all, that your world is too perfect and idle around. He was not a weak man that he could not enjoy what he had. He was strong, stronger than the rest. He wanted his muscled arms to sweat, he wanted to feel the strong sun, he wanted to reach newer heights.

It is foolish to think that you have it all and more foolish to crib about it! He came back home. Greeted Reena with a smile, and wondered what went inside this woman's heart. With a routined life of breakfasts and lunches and dinners, and linen and upholstery and silverwares, did she not seek a life beyond. A life of one's own. Of challanges that one sets for oneself. Of dreams that one chases.

He just wondered, and thought he'd find it out some day.

In a cold night

He stood outside in his balcony. The wind was cold. It blew his thin shirt. He stared at the lights beyond the lake. Like the night, he felt empty.

After an eventful day he thought he deserved more than this nagging feeling- feeling vacant. It was like there was nothing in life that held a meaning to him. He had everything that he would have hoped for. A wonderful house by the lake, a wife who cooked lovely food and who was a delight at night. Yet, what was it, he strained hard.

He had a big urge to light his ciggaratte. Only if Reena had not asked him 'honey, don't smoke at home'. He suddenly felt angry. It was his god damn house, his god damn cigarette and why did that god damn woman had to object. He smiled at himself at how he had referred to her... a woman! Was she just a woman? Oh, yes he did love her. He did shower her with flowers that she loved. And heart shaped mugs, pillows, pendents... Argh, not that he cared much for any of it. It was just nice to see her smile. That was all. That smile. But did he not need more. More than that smile. Something deeper and more raw. He laughed this time, deeper and raw, what did he really mean. Perhaps, he was thinking crazy, just because he had every thing he had wished for.

What had he wished for really? May be he got everything without wishing at all. He was a man with simple means, and today he was doing well. He was not someone women adored, yet he had a lovely wife today. What else does a man need? A ciggarette, may be.

He did not know what to do. Reena called him, Sweets, it is cold outside, get in or you will catch cold. He got in. He slumped on the sofa , switched the tv on and let it fill his emptiness with sounds coming from it.

He was hoping that he would fall asleep on the sofa. Not having to go near Reena. He did not want to touch her. He felt like he was actually using her. He was sorry for her. He was sorry for himself. He wondered what had happened to him.

Someone had once said, if it's too beautiful, it can't be real. Perhaps his world was not real. Or did he pretend it to be too beautiful. He felt a sudden disgust for the lake, for his house by the lake, for Reena who kept humming while she made his bed, and for himself.

He went out in the balcony and lighted his cigarette.